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Suleiman Maswadeh, Kan News’ resident Arab correspondent, has taken on the valiant task of navigating the Israeli labyrinth, where being Arab is about as popular as a flat tire at a race. In a heartwarming reveal on the documentary Cleared for Publication, he opens up about how these days it feels about as comfortable to be an Arab in Israel as it does to be a turkey in November. Since that fateful day on October 7, Maswadeh’s life has morphed into a tragicomic sketch in a dark comedy, where emails ranging from “What’s your take on Hamas?” to “So, are you Team Massacre or Team Condemnation?” made him feel like a contestant on a very twisted version of The Price is Right—it’s all about how loud you can yell “No comment” without collapsing under societal scrutiny.

With a straight face reminiscent of a Shakespearean actor performing under duress, Maswadeh muses about his “thorn-in-the-side” status on prime time. Honestly, we’re surprised he hasn’t been roped into a national debate on whether he condones his own existence—hey, ratings are ratings, after all! When the public asks, “What’s your stance?” they don’t really want to know. They just want a neatly packaged soundbite to hang on their walls, right next to their collection of ironic coffee mugs.

Wrapping his head around the notion that Arabs could also be victims of violence during the October chaos, Maswadeh delivers a killer punchline: “Just because they knew they were Arabs?” Think of it as an unexpected plot twist in an unfunny sitcom where everyone laughs awkwardly at the punchline that should never have been. He states the obvious—that yes, it’s darkly ironic to be Arab in a country where you’re not just under the microscope; you’re a specimen in the glass jar.

Maswadeh’s saga doesn’t end there. Let’s put this into perspective: after eight years of bureaucratic ballet, he finally waltzed away with his Israeli ID card. It’s a stunning twist worthy of a reality show—when all that time spent wrestling with the cosmos didn’t end in despair, but in endless forms and the blessed prospect of becoming eligible for national service. What a prize! A permanent residency card: the gift that keeps on giving, if by “gift” you mean more red tape and the lingering scent of irony.

So here’s to Suleiman, who daily tiptoes through the minefield of cultural absurdities, proving that in the land of contradictions, being an Arab is not just hard; it’s a slapstick routine with punchlines that are more cringeworthy than funny.

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