Reservists Remembered: A Tragic Reminder That Vacation Days are Overrated in Combat

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In the latest episode of “How to Win Friends and Influence No One,” four reservists from the IDF have decided to take a permanent vacation after an unfortunate run-in with combat in northern Israel and southern Lebanon. The military lovingly announced this end-of-service package late Thursday, assuring us that the fallen weren’t just ordinary reservists, but ones with impressive titles, because who doesn’t want a fancy job title while lying six feet under?

Our fallen heroes include Chief Warrant Officer (res.) Mordechai Haim Amoyal and Warrant Officer (res.) Shmuel Harari, who have now achieved the ultimate “reserving” status—forever off-duty. Joining them are Staff-Sergeant-Major (res.) Shlomo Aviad Nayman and Sergeant-Major (res.) Shuvael Ben-Natal. At this rate, we might need to rename the 222nd battalion as the “Reservists Who Went Out for Coffee and Didn’t Come Back Brigade.”

Meanwhile, the IDF made sure to keep the excitement going with news of a combat officer and two reservists getting severely wounded, but hey, at least they didn’t fall fully for the ambiguity of “I’ll be with you in a minute.” The thrilling chaos continued with Sergeant First Class Gai Ben-Haroosh from the Oketz Unit also deciding to join the ranks of those who serve—serving forever.

But don’t worry; the wounded soldiers have been evacuated to hospitals where they can enjoy their stay while their families are informed. Because nothing says ‘We care’ like a swift update on your loved one’s permanent fulfillment of duty.

And in a heartwarming twist, National Unity Party leader Benny Gantz showed up to eulogize the fallen, which is kind of like sending flowers to a barbecue after the fire has gone out. He reminded us that they’re all reservists and that we should cherish them “always,” as if that’s a solid strategy to avoid repeated tragedies. He also cleverly wished for the wounded’s speedy recovery because let’s face it, what better way to recover than to go back to the chaos after a quick hospital stay?

So here’s to the brave souls who paid the ultimate price for a cause that continues to be as clear as mud, and let’s raise a toast to the delightful irony that in a conflict where life hangs by a thread, the finest duty one can undertake is to be ever so painfully reminded of the consequences. Cheers!