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In a thrilling demonstration of international relations akin to a chaotic game of dodgeball, approximately five rockets decided to take an unscheduled flight from Lebanon straight into central Israel early Tuesday morning. The IDF, playing the role of the overly cautious parent, reported that most of these teenage tantrums were intercepted—probably after a stern talking-to—but one solo performer managed to land in an open area, likely hoping for a round of applause.

Meanwhile, over in Hezbollah’s corner, they were proudly boasting about their latest amateur rockets, treating the world to a new form of performance art by claiming they targeted an Iron Dome battery near Tel Aviv. Seems like they’re sticking to their theme of “artistic expression” with a flair for the dramatic, akin to a high school play gone horribly wrong.

Just for added chaos, they also claimed a successful bombing of the esteemed Glilot military intelligence base only to have it turn into a slapstick routine as Israeli police officers and bomb disposal experts scrambled like clowns in a circus to clean up the mess in Bnei Brak, chasing debris falling from the sky—because nothing says “we’ve got it under control” like cleaning up after a literal explosion of existential dread.

Later on, our friends at Hezbollah flirted with the concept of quantity over quality by launching a staggering 15 rockets towards Upper Galilee—pity that most of them just resorted to landing in open areas; it appears their delivery service isn’t quite up to par. And yes, they even tossed a couple of missiles toward a navy base near Haifa, as if the oceans of irony were deep enough to drown in.

In a true plot twist that could feature in any dark comedy, while attempting to avoid rocket-related injuries, a 53-year-old man found himself lightly wounded by the falling debris in Kibbutz Ma’agan Michael. His journey of mishap was capped off with a front-row seat to the site of chaos—his parked car might not be so lucky, though.

As if to underline the absurdity of life, three people took a direct hit (metaphorically, not in a good way) in Kibbutz Neot Mordechai, where humorless rockets rained down just as the IDF reported a mysterious 80 rockets casually drifting into their backyard by 3 p.m., as if that was just a normal Tuesday briefing.

So, as the Israeli populace ducks for cover amidst this bizarre operatic display of regional grievances, one thing is certain: in a world where absurdity reigns supreme, it’s always a good idea to keep a sense of humor—if only to maintain sanity while dodging metaphorical (and literal) rockets in the game of life.

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