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In an astounding demonstration of modern urban planning, Israel has decided that southern Beirut could use a little “redevelopment.” Nothing says gentrification like a solid wave of air strikes—who knew the ultimate home improvement project involved a little explosive DIY? Local inhabitants are surely thrilled by the new initiative, which promises to turn their modest brick homes into stylish rubble. Perhaps it’s time for the city’s architecture to embrace its inner “minimalist,” as fewer walls mean more open space, right?
As the bombs rain down and debris ascends to new heights—talk about elevating the skyline!—Beirut’s residents can now experience the thrill of being both a victim and a spectator in their own lives. Meanwhile, social media influencers will surely be flocking to the rubble, eager to capture the “authentic” aesthetic of post-explosion chic. And let’s not forget the unintentional comedy of it all: urban warfare leading to an unexpected boom in underground bunker real estate markets. Who knew war could be this trendy?
Perhaps one day, historians will look back at this baffling phase of “conflict resolution” and marvel at our ability to turn tragedy into an absurd spectacle. Until then, let’s just applaud the artistry of destruction—after all, every great city needs a dramatic facade!
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