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In the latest episode of “Political Circus: The Trump Chronicles,” former White House chief of staff John Kelly has decided to drop a bombshell so shocking that it could knock the socks off even the most hardened political junkie. Apparently, while in office, Donald Trump waxed poetic about Adolf Hitler—yes, that Hitler—like he was discussing a particularly good cheeseburger. Because who doesn’t admire a guy that had a flair for the dramatic and a penchant for fashion?
During his riveting chat with The New York Times, Kelly, armed with the candor of a man whose career is already in the dumpster, revealed that Trump didn’t just have a soft spot for strong leaders, he apparently thought Herr Führer had some good ideas too. “Good things,” you say? If only he had praised the man’s mustache; it might have given us a new presidential fashion trend!
And lest you think Kelly’s comments were taken out of context, he backed it up by saying Trump fits the “general definition of a fascist.” Who knew there was a checklist for that? “Yes, Mr. Trump, you do meet all the criteria! Congratulations on embracing your inner dictator!”
In the corner, the Trump campaign’s spokesperson, Steven Cheung, is having a meltdown. According to him, Kelly “totally beclowned himself,” which in the grand theater of political absurdity, sounds more like an encore performance than a critique. “But President Trump has always honored our military!” Cheung continues, as if that’s a solid excuse for whispering sweet praises about totalitarianism over late-night pizza.
Meanwhile, in an equally ludicrous twist, the man himself has purportedly said he admires Hitler’s generals for their Total loyalty. Because who wouldn’t want a gaggle of generals whose loyalty to the dear leader was matched only by their commitment to historical atrocities? That’s the kind of team spirit we love to hear about from our nation’s leaders, right?
And before we could all recover, Trump promptly denied ever saying anything so scandalous as if denying it would also magically un-define it. “Never said that,” he bellowed. Wouldn’t it be easier if they just all communicated via interpretive dance?
Now, the Democrats, licking their wounds and sharpening their rhetoric, liken Trump’s comments to Hitler’s own. “Poisoning the blood of our country,” he said, while the rest of us wonder what kind of cocktail party he’s been sipping at. But don’t worry, he claims he never read “Mein Kampf,” a statement that echoes with the same sincerity as a kid claiming they didn’t eat the cookies after crumbs are found all over their face.
Finally, in the grand finale of this train wreck, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz took the stage at a rally, channeling his inner Shakespeare by expressing, “That makes me sick as hell!” Well, let’s be real, Governor—sick is the least we can expect from a political landscape that keeps throwing this kind of absurd reality at us.
With this cast of characters and their antics, it’s hard not to applaud the sheer ridiculousness of American politics today. Buckle up, folks; this chaos train isn’t stopping anytime soon!
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