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In a cinematic twist that only political theater could provide, Donald Trump took to a Pennsylvania McDonald’s drive-thru on Sunday, presumably to court those elusive working-class voters—because nothing says “I understand your struggles” like a golden arches backdrop and a side of fries. As he expertly handed out fries, one might wonder if he was channeling Ronald McDonald or simply auditioning for the role of ‘nice guy’ in this absurd electoral circus.

Meanwhile, Kamala Harris, in a grandiose attempt to be the Robin Hood of fast food, is playing the game of “who can roll out the biggest economic safety net without tripping over it.” She’s pushing tax credits, homebuyer subsidies, and something called “paid leave”—terms that sound less like policy and more like euphemisms for getting a breather from this relentless ideological buffet.

In the arena of economic promises, the candidates are battling it out like a couple of desperate chefs in a reality cooking show: “This week’s challenge: convince the low-wage workers who’ve historically absent-mindedly skipped election days like they do the salad bar.” Studies show that those folks earning less than a living wage are about as likely to vote as a Big Mac is to win a Nobel Prize for Peace—a statistical certainty.

Trump, the real estate mogul who’s apparently found his calling in fast-food diplomacy, is trumpeting tax cuts while Harris moonwalks her way through discussions about wage increases. If only voters could be convinced that the secret ingredient to economic success is more than just ketchup and elaborate pie charts. The Wharton School analysis, slicker than grease on a diner plate, claims that under Harris, lower-wage workers might see around $1,750 more each year compared to, you guessed it, the big guy—who’s offering them a side of disappointment.

But wait! There’s more! Trump’s campaign is peppered with abstract promises of regulatory cuts and energy bill reductions that seem to exist in a parallel universe where unicorns frolic and affordable housing is just a whim away. His tariffs on imports, a bold move he claims will bring jobs back to America, are also expected to drive prices sky-high—perfect for those looking to raise their anxiety levels more than their wages.

And then there’s the mind-boggling back-and-forth over minimum wage, where Trump’s team takes a page from the magician’s handbook—“Now you see it, now you don’t!”—when asked about any increases. Meanwhile, the Harris camp is playing coy about their plans, leaving everyone wondering if they’re just waiting for a lucky penny to drop to set the minimum wage on its path to the heavens.

As the candidates tango around each other, the economy continues to dance the cha-cha of rising costs, leaving lower-wage workers feeling like they’ve been left at the altar of prosperity. Who knew lobbying for fries could lead to such comedic revelations? And while Americans can’t afford their groceries, at least they can take solace knowing that discussions during this election season have become a full-blown slapstick routine—served fresh, hot, and with extra cynicism.

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