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In the thrilling sequel to “American Politics: The Soap Opera,” we tune in to the nail-biting race between Trump and Harris, where the only thing closer than their poll numbers is the chance of a banana peel slipping under a president’s foot. The stakes are so high, even the White House goldfish has started rethinking its life choices.

In one corner, we have Trump, who’s campaigning like a toddler wielding a crayon at a gallery opening, exclaiming that he’s “great” at everything and “who knew?” He’s currently busy reshaping reality, claiming that the gap between him and Harris is narrower than his ego in a funhouse mirror. Meanwhile, Harris, with all the charm of a high school debate club president, brings her own brand of “let’s just get along… or else” rhetoric, trying to convince us that chaos is just a fancy word for progress.

With slogans flying around like confetti at a poorly-timed birthday party, both candidates are working hard to redefine what it means to win. Will it be a battle of tweets? A contest of who can dodge questions in the most entertaining way? Or perhaps they’ll settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors—winner takes the Oval Office and everything in it, including the only set of working pens.

As we watch this politically charged circus unfold, you can’t help but wonder: might the real winner be the media, cashing in on the spectacle while the rest of us just hope for a nice long vacation from reality? Stay tuned.

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