Trump Serves Up Fries and Political Jabs as McDonald’s Tries to Keep Its Business Neutral in a Bun-fight of Election Season

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McDonald’s Bid for Political Neutrality Turns Into a Happy Meal of Irony

In a delightful twist of fast-food irony, former President Donald Trump recently embraced the golden arches by flipping burgers (or attempting to) at a McDonald’s in Feasterville, Pennsylvania. Yes, you heard that right—while most politicians are busy campaigning, Trump decided to don an apron and make a rather awkward cameo at a drive-thru instead of talking policy. Because what better way to connect with voters than by demonstrating your fry-fueled skill set?

Now, despite Trump’s apparent affinity for McDonald’s cheeseburgers and his endless ribbing of Vice President Kamala Harris over her alleged summer at the fast-food institution, the chain is desperately trying to uphold its neutrality in a political landscape messier than a ketchup spill in a car seat. McDonald’s issued a statement assuring everyone they’re not backing any candidates. You know, just your standard corporate PR maneuver to soothe the masses while trying not to alienate customers who might prefer their politics akin to their coffee: black and bitter.

"It’s not us, it’s them!" McDonald’s claims, hoping that the public doesn’t take that as a cue to blame the burgers for the political bickering. Interestingly, they’ve caught the scent of controversy before—after all, what’s more polarizing than the fate of their $18 Big Mac meals? Price hikes spurred by inflation have drawn the eye of Republicans, who have taken to blaming Biden‘s economic policies for everything from high gas prices to unflattering selfies—but McDonald’s isn’t having it. Not on their watch!

“Even if our prices have gone up faster than you can say ‘Super Sized,’ we’re just giving the people what they want… more expensive fast food?” said Joe Erlinger, President of McDonald’s U.S. dining. "Trust us; it’s as unintentional as cabbage in a salad." Clearly, the notion of affordability holds less weight when you’re elbow-deep in the frying business.

Amidst the chaos, both McDonald’s and franchisee Derek Giacomantonio couldn’t stop raving about inclusivity. “We open our doors to everyone! Except, perhaps, politicians with grandstanding ambitions,” they mused, hoping to keep the heat off them like fries escaping the fryer. “We’re just here to feed America—one confused customer at a time!”

Nonetheless, McDonald’s is sticking to its guns, wanting to be known as the place where your childhood dreams of greasy happiness come true—while quietly navigating an electoral minefield. The path between fries and politics gets slippery, and who knew the beloved Golden Arches would turn into the battleground of ideological turf wars and Big Mac price hikes?

So next time you unwrap that McDonald’s burger, remember: while it might taste delicious, it’s steeped in a political narrative richer than your value meal, and just as confusing as trying to decide between a burger or a salad in a drive-thru lane with your best friend. Welcome to the circus, folks; enjoy your meal—it’s going to be a bumpy ride!