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Hillary Clinton took a break from her hobby of collecting old campaign buttons to declare that Donald Trump has officially graduated from “eccentric uncle” to “more unhinged, more unstable—dangerously unhinged.” You know, just your typical Tuesday at the CNN circus, where she explained to Kaitlan Collins how Trump‘s recent rallies are akin to a word salad buffet gone rancid.
The queen of lost occasions—who was once the first woman to hold a major-party nomination—compared her own 2016 “oops, my bad” campaign to Kamala Harris’s current “Hey, did you forget about the giant looming Orange shadow?” strategy. Apparently, it took eight years of Trump antics for Democrats to realize that labeling him as “dangerous” wasn’t just campaign fluff but rather a foreboding warning like that unsettling music cue in a horror movie.
In what’s shaping up to be the political version of “Lord of the Flies,” Clinton nudged us to remember that John Kelly, Trump’s former chief of staff, recently dropped the bombshell that Trump is essentially on a first-name basis with fascism. You know, typical Tuesday stuff. Kelly elaborated that Trump’s governance style leans more towards “dictator chic” than “average affable president,” adding that Trump openly wishes his generals would treat him like Hitler’s entourage did. Maybe Trump should change his campaign slogan to “Make Authoritarianism Fun Again.”
And as the plot thickens, Trump, ever the denier, looked into the camera and assured us, “I never said that! Fake news!” You have to admire his consistency—like a bad sitcom that keeps getting renewed despite low ratings. In the ultimate game of dodgeball with truth, Trump declared The Atlantic a “failing magazine” in what must be run by his new PR team, “Hope and Denial.”
On the other end of the clown car, Kamala Harris chimed in, confirming that Trump is indeed a fascist and warning of potential future DOJ hijinks if he gets reelected. But hey, why not toss a little more chaos into the mix? Clinton, adding to the fever dream, echoed Kelly’s sentiments and urged the unarmored public to “please open your eyes,” which is good advice unless you’re squinting at an impending train wreck—the last thing you want to see.
In a moment that could be pulled straight out of a bizarre comedy skit, Clinton humorously reassured that Harris wouldn’t have to worry about a surprise visit from Jim Comey this election season. “At least she doesn’t have a puppet waiting to kneecap her, so that’s a win,” she mused with the deadpan delivery of someone who’s seen it all and is now watching from the cheap seats.
So there you have it: a riveting episode in the ongoing reality show of American politics. Will Trump secure his fascist crown, or will Harris rise triumphant amid the chaos? Stay tuned, folks—it’s shaping up to be a real knee-slapper!
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