Flames Outshine Family as Heroic Leap Takes a Terrifying Turn
[ad_1] In a plot twist worthy of a poorly written horror flick, two adults and two children discovered that the true terror was not in the flames, but in the…
Continue readingQuarter Pounder Chaos: Fast Food, Faster Lawsuits, and a Side of E. coli
[ad_1] In a stunning turn of events befitting a McDonald’s horror flick, a Colorado man has decided that the only suitable aftermath for his sordid encounter with a Quarter Pounder…
Continue readingNun Your Business: Republican Canvasser Discovers 53 ‘Voters’ Who Actually Just Want to Pray for Political Sanity!
[ad_1] Erie, Pennsylvania — CNN A Republican canvasser in Pennsylvania recently found what he thought was irrefutable proof of the massive voter fraud conspiracy that has haunted conservatives since Trump’s…
Continue readingDon’t Worry, That Quarter Pounder Comes with a Side of E. coli—Free of Charge!
[ad_1] In the latest plot twist of the fast-food horror story, a charming little strain of E. coli has decided to hitch a ride on McDonald’s Quarter Pounders, making a…
Continue readingApple and Goldman Sachs Face a Sour Financial ‘Core’ After Apple Card Dispute Fiasco!
[ad_1] Gather ’round, dear fellow watchers of the corporate circus, as Apple’s CEO Tim Cook unveiled the shimmering Apple Card at their Cupertino headquarters back in March 2019, dazzling fans…
Continue readingTrump’s Campaign Strategy: A Goofy Medley of Vulgarity, Golf Commentary, and Threats – Just Your Average Presidential Race!
[ad_1] Even for a circus that already feels like it’s been directed by a team of ferrets on roller skates, Donald Trump’s latest performance has proven to be a particularly…
Continue readingArizona’s Political Circus: Where Trump’s Magic Act Leaves Kari Lake in the Audience Whispering, ‘Is This Thing On?’
[ad_1] PHOENIX — In an eyebrow-raising twist that only Arizona politics can serve up, Mesa Mayor John Giles, a Republican who’s decided to throw in his lot with Kamala Harris—yes,…
Continue readingTrump Flips Burgers, Claims Frying Skills Could Win the Election: ‘I Know the Menu Better Than Kamala!’
[ad_1] In a bid to serve as the ultimate culinary overlord and reclaim his throne as Fast Food Czar, Donald Trump has decided to dive into the greasy, golden world…
Continue readingAncient City of Amida Mound Remains Popular Choice for ‘Burn It Down’ Renovation Projects Since 6764 B.C.
[ad_1] In a stunning twist of irony, excavations at the Amida Mound in Diyarbakır – a site that’s been playing hide and seek with civilization for a mere 10,000 years…
Continue readingReady-to-Eat Listeria: The New ‘Gourmet’ Meat Trend You Didn’t Sign Up For
[ad_1] In a twist that would impress any thriller novelist, BrucePac has initiated a veritable meatocalypse, recalling a whopping 11.7 million pounds of ready-to-eat meat and poultry products due to…
Continue reading