Flames Outshine Family as Heroic Leap Takes a Terrifying Turn
[ad_1] In a plot twist worthy of a poorly written horror flick, two adults and two children discovered that the true terror was not in the flames, but in the…
Continue readingQuarter Pounder Chaos: Fast Food, Faster Lawsuits, and a Side of E. coli
[ad_1] In a stunning turn of events befitting a McDonald’s horror flick, a Colorado man has decided that the only suitable aftermath for his sordid encounter with a Quarter Pounder…
Continue readingSurgeon Proves That ‘Eyebrow Tweezing’ Can Now Include Tumour Removal—Forget Apples, We’re Talking Melons!
[ad_1] In a groundbreaking surgical twist that has definitely not been pulled straight from a sci-fi novel, a surgeon in Aberdeen has taken neurosurgery to eyebrow-raising heights—literally. Forget the traditional…
Continue readingNun Your Business: Republican Canvasser Discovers 53 ‘Voters’ Who Actually Just Want to Pray for Political Sanity!
[ad_1] Erie, Pennsylvania — CNN A Republican canvasser in Pennsylvania recently found what he thought was irrefutable proof of the massive voter fraud conspiracy that has haunted conservatives since Trump’s…
Continue readingDon’t Worry, That Quarter Pounder Comes with a Side of E. coli—Free of Charge!
[ad_1] In the latest plot twist of the fast-food horror story, a charming little strain of E. coli has decided to hitch a ride on McDonald’s Quarter Pounders, making a…
Continue readingMessi Joins MLS, Attendance Soars as Fans Discover Soccer Isn’t Just a World Cup Fad
[ad_1] In a historic plot twist worthy of a Netflix drama, Major League Soccer (MLS) has not only set attendance records this season, but also discovered a few new ways…
Continue readingApple and Goldman Sachs Face a Sour Financial ‘Core’ After Apple Card Dispute Fiasco!
[ad_1] Gather ’round, dear fellow watchers of the corporate circus, as Apple’s CEO Tim Cook unveiled the shimmering Apple Card at their Cupertino headquarters back in March 2019, dazzling fans…
Continue readingTrump’s Campaign Strategy: A Goofy Medley of Vulgarity, Golf Commentary, and Threats – Just Your Average Presidential Race!
[ad_1] Even for a circus that already feels like it’s been directed by a team of ferrets on roller skates, Donald Trump’s latest performance has proven to be a particularly…
Continue readingArizona’s Political Circus: Where Trump’s Magic Act Leaves Kari Lake in the Audience Whispering, ‘Is This Thing On?’
[ad_1] PHOENIX — In an eyebrow-raising twist that only Arizona politics can serve up, Mesa Mayor John Giles, a Republican who’s decided to throw in his lot with Kamala Harris—yes,…
Continue readingApple Watches Now Can Tell You When You’re Snoring Your Way to a Heart Attack—Because Who Needs Sleep Anyway?
[ad_1] Apple has decided that mere wrist-watching isn’t enough—it’s now strapping on a stethoscope! That’s right, the latest buzz from Cupertino is that your Apple Watch can now double as…
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