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In a twist that feels like the plot of a caffeinated soap opera, Starbucks has decided it’s time to spice things up with a fresh hire: Tressie Lieberman, who recently put her Chipotle foils in the microwave to become the coffee kingdom’s new global chief brand officer. Yes, folks, in a time when folks are counting their pennies and settling for sad office brews, Starbucks appears to think it’s high time to remind us that coffee is life, or at least a sweet caramel drizzle hiding behind an overpriced label.
As Brian Niccol – the freshly-minted CEO who dusted off his Chipotle apron to don a Starbucks barista hat – gets comfy in his latte-scented office, he’s launching a grand plan to stop the bleeding from those plummeting sales figures. Apparently, Americans are no longer lining up for their daily macchiatos and Refresher splurges. Instead, they appear to be saving their disposable income for totally rational purchases, like avocado toast on the side of their existential crises.
In his exclamation-laden manifesto, Niccol declares that rebuilding Starbucks’ brand is among his top priorities. Because, of course, when customers start avoiding your coffee shop, the solution is to hire someone to help you tell the world how great you are at roasting beans. “Starbucks is a brand people love,” Niccol insists, which raises the question: Why aren’t more of us loving it enough to buy their coffee? Is it the persistent suspicion that it tastes better served in their overpriced cups than from home brews?
Lieberman, who conveniently happens to have a resume that puts her at the intersection of culinary chaos and thriving foodie cultures (with stints at Yahoo, Chipotle, Pizza Hut, and Taco Bell), is now armed with the elegant title of global chief brand officer. She’ll be stepping into the Starbucks grind on November 4th, presumably with a coffee-scented cape to save the company from the brink of being merely “that place with the catchy mermaid logo.”
In what could be mistaken for a corporate game of musical chairs, Starbucks has also shaken up its executive lineup – Dawn Clark and Angele Robinson-Gaylord are getting promoted like some kind of corporate fairy tale. Now, if only Starbucks could sprinkle some of that magical fairy dust on their sales, we’d be in business!
Meanwhile, over in China, it seems Molly Liu is now the lone captain at the helm of Starbucks’ struggling ship, having recently split command with Belinda Wong. With Chinese customers seeming to prefer local coffee shops that won’t cost them an arm and a leg, it’s clear the competition has become as fierce as a barista in a caffeine-fueled frenzy.
As we approach the fiscal fourth-quarter earnings call on October 30, let’s just hope Niccol has a dazzling strategy to unveil – or at least a swanky new drink that can distract us from the ever-growing barrage of coffee-related woes. After all, what’s business without a little drama, right? Some predictions? Expect the theatrical bravado and grand promises while sipping a pumpkin spice latte on the edge of your seat!
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