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In a stunning display of holiday spirit and parenting priorities, a children’s soft play centre in Cirencester has been forced to apologize after parents reported some “disturbing” Halloween decor — you know, normal decorations like body bags hung upside down like a macabre piñata. Because nothing screams “safe, clean, and stimulating environment” quite like the artifact of crime scenes cluttering a place designed for children to battle ball pits instead of law enforcement nightmares.
One shocked mother, who clearly couldn’t handle the excitement of a Halloween-themed rendition of ‘Law & Order: SVU,’ exclaimed she did a “double take.” Apparently, the sight of realistic-looking body bags draped in caution tape was a bit too much for her delicate sensibilities; and God forbid she has to explain the principles of crime scene investigation to her kid while they’re navigating foam jungle gyms and suspiciously sticky slides.
Experts in both horror and hospitality noted that the body bags weren’t even visible from the parents’ café area — a clever marketing strategy to ensure the adults could sip their overpriced lattes undisturbed while kids frolicked amongst the horror show, blissfully unaware of the cute little corpses swinging overhead. Turns out those ‘body bags’ aren’t just for Halloween but might also serve as future job descriptions for parents: “Mummy & Daddy’s Body Bag Shenanigans” could be trending faster than ‘trick or treat’ if they’re not careful.
In response to the uproar, a spokesperson for the soft play haven stated this was the first they’d heard of any complaints — because what could possibly go wrong with life-sized depictions of the consequences of unsupervised play? But don’t worry, fear not! They gracefully assured parents that the intention was never to induce existential dread in youngsters, just a standard “nothing to see here” display that epitomizes the chaotic spirit of a capitalist Halloween.
Rugrats and Halfpints boldly proclaimed their mission to provide a stimulating environment, but perhaps a tad too stimulating for some, as real-life trauma is not typically included in the barefoot, carefree romp through plastic tunnels. Next year, maybe they should just stick with the usual ghosts and witches, or dare we suggest…Rugrats’ “Body Bag-Free” Halloween? Now that’s a treat everyone can enjoy – unless, of course, they run out of fairy lights and inflatable ghouls, then all bets are off.
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