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Ah, the thrilling spectacle of American democracy is upon us once again! With Election Day just three weeks away, it’s time for your favorite two-man show starring Kamala Harris and Donald Trump, where the only thing thicker than the tension is the irony. As they duke it out for the privilege of serving in the world’s most dysfunctional circus (the White House, in case you’re lost), one poll reveals that Harris is managing to squeeze out a slim lead in voter outreach—just enough to make her supporters cheer and her opponents cry.

Let’s talk numbers, shall we? Over 40% of Americans are feeling that warm, fuzzy embrace of political outreach from both campaigns—like receiving cologne samples from a door-to-door salesman. In battleground states, that rises to a delightful 62%. That’s right, folks! Just when you thought you were safe watching Netflix at home, here come the phone calls and text messages, asking for your vote like desperate exes. “Please, just one more chance!” they plead.

But it gets better! In a nationwide popularity contest that rivals high school elections, 30% of folks have been contacted by Harris, while a mere 26% admit to receiving messages from Trump’s camp. However, once you step into the battlegrounds—where the political gladiators clash—things get as messy as a food fight in a kindergarten classroom. Here, Trump edges out Harris by a smidgen: 47% to 46%. It’s the type of nail-biter that keeps you up at night, pondering the depths of absurdity in our electoral process.

And if you’re worried about voter assistance—don’t fret! Harris has a slight edge with 43% of her contacts claiming they’ve received help. That leaves 35% from Trump’s side wondering if they’ll ever figure out where to vote or if they should just write in “Mickey Mouse.” In battlegrounds, it’s a close call with 48% for Harris and 39% for Trump. It’s like watching a game of political leapfrog, but no one really knows who’s leading, or why they’re even jumping.

The insanity doesn’t stop there. The Harris campaign has been especially skilled in targeting the right audiences—like a middle schooler stalking their crush on social media. Black folks, a demographic that has historically been pro-Harris, report her team has reached out with a shocking 41% success rate, while Trump’s campaign manages to grab just 26%. The irony here is as thick as the plot twists in a reality show—both sides struggle to connect with the very voters they need most.

And, oh boy, let’s not forget the wild world of outreach tactics! The most popular form of communication remains text messages, because who doesn’t love political harassment via their phone? A whopping 61% have received a text from one of the campaigns, while only 6% have been graced with the blessing of an in-person visit. Because, you know, actual human contact is just so last century.

These campaigns are like two kids trying to sell the same lemonade on the same corner, both convinced that this time they have the secret ingredient to freedom and democracy. Spoiler alert: It’s mostly just sugar and political promises thrown in a blender of strategic awkwardness.

So, as we gear up for the grand finale of polling and promises, remember: amid the madness, there’s still a twisted kind of joy to be found in watching our leaders dance like marionettes on strings of absurdity—just don’t forget to cast your vote or you might find yourself in a cold sweat realizing you missed the chance to pick one of these clowns!

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