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In a world where voters are proving they can sniff out nonsense faster than a dog can find a bone, the latest NBC News poll reveals that candidates who sing the praises of former President Donald Trump‘s “victorious” 2020 campaign are about as popular as a flat soda at a party. Surprisingly, those who support hunting down the right to an abortion have also found themselves deep in the political dog house, while candidates proposing a financial grappling hook for soaring costs are seeing a surprising swell of support. It turns out people are more interested in keeping their wallets from mirroring their diets (i.e., slim pickings) than they are in tire fires of scandal.
When asked about the economy, voters were practically unanimous in their agreement that they’d back anyone offering a $6,000 child tax credit or pledging to squeeze oil and gas production dry to lower energy prices—because nothing says “I care” like a few bucks off your gas bill when filling up a tank that currently costs a month’s rent. Meanwhile, the notion of slapping a 20% tariff on imports sent 44% of voters diving for the nearest life raft, as they recognized that having a budget is far more important than any grand economic chess moves.
As for the circus act known as “election denialism,” it appears most voters are not interested in joining that particular freak show. A whopping 52% would rather lick a tarantula than back a candidate who insists Trump won—making “denial” the latest unholy grail of political suicide. It seems the only folks still buying that fairy tale come from the magical land of MAGA, where reality checks bounce harder than a bad check at an empty bank.
In the ongoing deathmatch between Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris, with both candidates tied at 48% like two stubborn mules refusing to budge, the rolling scale of support has voters grading them on issues that make high schoolers’ report cards look like a cakewalk. Trump is charming folks with promises of rising economic tides, while Harris pulls ahead by playing the good cop on reproductive rights—because nothing plays to the crowd like a promise to protect or dismantle safe, legal abortion access with the same grace as a drunken juggler at a kid’s birthday party.
When it comes to immigration—one of America’s favorite hot-button issues—voters have decided they’d rather not deal with nuances. Instead, they seem to prefer the straightforward thrill of military deployment on the border and cranking up the deportation gas pedal. What’s next, a candidate suggesting we start building treehouses on the border for an extreme form of immigration control?
On abortion rights, public sentiment resembles a game of Twister—everyone’s tangled up with one foot in acknowledging the need for federal protections and another firmly planted in the states’ rights camp, providing all the unity of a family dispute over the last piece of pie.
So, let’s raise a glass to our electoral landscape, where the “great leaders” bring us high stakes poker wrapped in a game of Monopoly gone awry—may the best policy win, and may the rest of us survive the chaos with a smirk and a drink!
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