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In the latest episode of “Who Needs Procedure Anyway?”, we have the illustrious Israel Police Commissioner Danny Levi, who appears to have taken a masterclass in the art of impromptu decision-making. In a move that can only be described as the legal equivalent of a drunken one-night stand, Levi decided to demote legal adviser Dep.-Ch. Elazar Kahana—only to have the Attorney-General, Gali Baharav-Miara, crash the party in her best lawyerly attire, sternly reminding Levi that he simply can’t have his cake and throw it away too.
Imagine the chaos: one minute you’re savoring the thrill of a career shake-up, and the next, you’re at the mercy of legal protocol that Levi apparently missed during Roll Call at Police Etiquette 101. It’s almost endearing how Levi didn’t think he needed to consult with Baharav-Miara before making a decision that could only be described as “let’s see if I can make this faster than a Netflix binge.” The audacity! Who knew that an Attorney-General’s existence was more than just decorative?
But alas, Kahana’s demotion—a spectacularly orchestrated ballet of bureaucratic incompetence—was made even more tragicomic by Baharav-Miara’s revelation that it was entirely against Kahana’s will, making it a de-facto firing. This is like being kicked out of your apartment for not watering the imaginary cactus your roommate doesn’t own.
To add another layer of absurdity, the fine folks in charge have decided not to change Kahana’s status until they get a legal thumbs-up, as if someone is holding the critical ‘yes’ button hostage in a game of bureaucratic musical chairs. Kahana, who bravely argued that the police shouldn’t just go around confiscating protest signs as if they’re collector’s items, now finds himself at the center of a legal soap opera.
In a breathtaking demonstration of defiance, Levi has boldly stated he feels no need to involve Baharav-Miara in his shenanigans. One can almost hear him scoffing, “Consulting you? For what? I’ve watched enough courtroom dramas to wing it!” Bravo.
And who can forget the charming backdrop provided by National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir? Appointed Levi, and honestly, it’s like watching a high-stakes game of poker where the dealer has a permanent poker face, and the chips are made of citizens’ rights.
So, stay tuned! Will Kahana retain his job? Will Levi learn that the legal world has rules? Or will we all just crack open a cold one and laugh at the glorious absurdity of it all while we wait for the next episode of “As the Legal System Turns”? Who’s to say?
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