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PITTSBURGH (AP) — In a plot twist worthy of a sitcom, Pittsburgh’s police chief, Larry Scirotto, has decided to hang up his badge and whistle all in the span of one week. Just last Friday, he announced plans to moonlight as a basketball referee, hoping to supercharge his income while simultaneously calling fouls on players—because why wouldn’t you want a side gig that involves telling teenagers to stop crying over a missed call?

You see, Chief Scirotto figured that juggling college basketball officiating while holding a $187,000-a-year police chief position wouldn’t be an issue, despite the minor inconvenience of trying to dodge stray bullets and drunk drivers while also navigating the nuances of a three-second violation. Some city council members raised their eyebrows, proving once again that professional skepticism is alive and well in the era of side hustles.

In a refreshing example of modern leadership, after realizing his new career path might distract from overseeing the thrilling world of law enforcement, Scirotto gracefully bowed out from the police chief gig altogether. Clearly, it takes a special talent to recognize that showing up to work in a striped shirt and dodging questions about crime rates isn’t the best way to ensure public safety.

Let’s not forget the irony here: a police chief walking away from a high-paying job to blow a whistle and hand out technical fouls—because that’s how you solve the city’s crime issues, one missed shot at a basket at a time! Meanwhile, Mayor Ed Gainey, who initially appointed him with the promise of no refereeing duties, appears to be chalking another one up in the “Things Couldn’t Get Any Better” department.

In the end, Scirotto’s resignation serves as a reminder that even in a city plagued by crime, the true absurdity lies in the pursuit of a side hustle that promises more foul calls than actual resolutions. Who knew that the call of the court would be louder than the call of duty? The real crime? How seriously everyone took this whole series of unfortunate events—like watching a tragicomedy unfold live on the streets.

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