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In yet another thrilling episode of “Who Wants to be a Martyr?” Warr. Ofc. (res.) Shmuel Harari, a brave contestant aged 35, has tragically exited the battlefield, permanently. His demise came after an enthusiastic grenade toss from Hezbollah, accompanied by the dramatic return fire from our beloved IDF Battalion 222. Nothing screams “life goals” quite like being outmaneuvered by terrorists armed with nothing but a tunnel and a sense of surprise.
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, ever the virtuoso of heartfelt clichés, took to X/Twitter (because what’s more personal than a social media post during a funeral?) to express his riveting condolences while the world collectively sighed at the brutal irony of it all. “This is a difficult and painful hour for you and for all of us,” he tweeted, while surely glancing over at his post-renovation office and an array of party invitations.
As we digested the freshly detailed roster of those who sacrificed “the most precious” (read: their lives) for the greater good, one can’t help but appreciate the gallows humor in the IDF promoting Shmuel from First Sergeant to Master Sergeant posthumously. Clearly, they have a knack for awards that can’t be collected. Bravo!
With the tally now at 757 soldiers since the October 7 calamity, one might start wondering if the IDF has inadvertently turned into the world’s largest support group for ‘Tragic Heroes Anonymous.’ After all, nothing unites people like a shared tragedy, or in this case, an ever-growing list of fallen soldiers to memorialize in tweets and press releases.
So, as we raise our imaginary glasses to Shmuel and his fallen comrades, let’s hope for a speedy recovery for their families, who will undoubtedly need all the support they can get from a system that pretty much writes them off as “collateral damage” in a tragic, ongoing soap opera. Cheers to Israel, where every act of bravery is met with the punchline of absurdity!
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