Patients Now Playing ‘Survival of the Fittest’ as Hospitals Hoard IV Fluids Like They’re Gold During a Liquid Drought!

Meet Yvonne Hemz, a 52-year-old woman from Farmington, Minnesota, who was scheduled for what could have been a low-key Tuesday, just her and a lovely little cancerous tumor enjoying a surgical getaway. Or rather, she was supposed to until she received a bizarre phone call from Abbott Northwestern Hospital, informing her that the grand event was suddenly canceled. Hurricane Helene, it seems, had other plans and decided to give a Baxter International facility in North Carolina an unexpected bath, drying up the nation’s largest supply of IV fluids. Surprise!

“Listen, cancer,” Yvonne probably thought, “I’m not ready for you to be my plus-one at a string of missed appointments.” But alas, her cancer doesn’t seem to grasp the importance of an IV and is likely to continue thriving like a pesky weed in her kidney garden. She noted, “The cancer is not going to stop growing just because they can’t have their surgery.” If only it worked that way! Take note, future cancer patients: next time, try asking your tumor nicely to wait until the supply chain is back on track.

After a flurry of phone calls—no, her doctor wasn’t ghosting her like last year’s crush—Yvonne was finally informed that her surgery was miraculously back on again for Friday morning. Dr. Chris DeRienzo, the neonatologist who moonlights as the chief physician executive of the American Hospital Association, chimed in, making the gallant comparison of IV fluids being the lifeblood of modern medicine. Imagine if water just suddenly vanished from your house; well, IV fluids are basically that, but way more dramatic.

Across the grand old U.S. of A., hospitals are now getting creative with their IV fluid conservation efforts. Patients in need are being handed Gatorade and water like they’re tailgating before a big game, because who needs proper hydration in a hospital setting, right? “Just think of it as a healthy alternative!” they’ll cheer, while patients stare at their cups suspiciously.

Running out of supply

And over in Dallas, Hannah Hale, age 37, found herself in quite a pickle. She relies on IV nutrition because her body thinks it’s too good for absorbing nutrients like a regular person. Certainly, she never anticipated that Hurricane Helene would throw a wrench into her dextrose game. Her pharmacy, sounding eerily similar to a reality show dramatic exit, cut her off and advised her to search for another pharmacy, which was basically like asking a toddler to find the best cupcake in a city-wide pastry competition.

Despite calling 14 other pharmacies (yes, 14—a number only matched by her determination), she found herself staring at a fridge with only a couple of days’ worth of nutrients left. But don’t worry; her resourceful doctor and pharmacist whipped up a temporary solution involving electrolytes and a splash of saline—a DIY IV that would make any corporation cringe. Of course, that won’t last long, so her days are now a waiting game punctuated by anxiety.

Working with the government

In response to the rising panic in hospitals, the federal government jumped on the supply issue faster than a kid discovering cookies on the top shelf. The FDA decided that importing IV fluids from foreign lands was an ideal plan, opening the borders to supplies from Canada, China, Ireland, and the United Kingdom. But here’s the twist—no one really knows when that shipment will arrive; it’s like a surprise package but without the thrill.

Baxter is apparently scrambling to resolve this hiccup, promising the world they’ll restore “90% to 100% allocation” by year’s end. Golf claps all around! Meanwhile, hospitals have no choice but to roll with “let’s just use Gatorade” plans while pretending everything’s fine and dandy.

‘An immediate need’

The urgency continues, with some patients facing the horror of having to adjust to life without consistent IV hydration. Robert, a 67-year-old mathematician from Chicago, recently discovered his precious dialysis fluid was off the market. His doctors, feeling like they’re on an episode of “Survivor,” have been scrambling to find him backup options. “There are people that are not going to make it because of this,” he warns, reminding us that the lack of IV fluids could open the door to a dramatic plot twist no one wants to experience, thus transforming the hospital experience into a morbid episode of ‘Survivor: Dialysis Edition.’

Ah, the healthcare system—where emergency breaks are a constant source of surprise, and the answer to life-or-death situations seems to hinge on the weather. Here’s a toast with our Gatorade! Cheers to supply chains, where calamity feels like just another Tuesday!