Four Governors Walk Into a Bar… and Try Not to Drink the Election Away!
VP Harris Wields Grocery Prices and Fascism in a Town Hall: ‘Choose Your Apocalypse Wisely!’
New York: Where Democrats and Republicans Fight Over Who Gets to Lose to New York City
House GOP Barking Up the Wrong Tree: Mace Threatens Subpoena, Claims Biden’s ‘Censorship’ is the Real Misinformation
Bezos Steals Spotlight: Post’s No-endorsement Decision Leaves Editorial Team in Shock Like Finding Out Amazon Prime Doesn’t Include Free Returns!
Nation’s Future: Choose Your Own Adventure—Now with More Plot Twists!
Kamala Harris Attempts Bipartisanship While Trump Plays Hide and Seek: U.S. Politics Enters ‘Find the Leader’ Season
Union Workers Distribute Ballots as Wisconsinites Wonder if Their Memories Are as Short as Their Attention Spans
Delta Sues CrowdStrike: When Your Cybersecurity Update Becomes a Flight Cancellation Special!
Bezos Steals Spotlight: Post’s No-endorsement Decision Leaves Editorial Team in Shock Like Finding Out Amazon Prime Doesn’t Include Free Returns!
David Einhorn Pedals Toward Profit: Can Peloton Spin Its Way From $6 to $31 on a Budget?
Coffee Chains Brew Cultural Capital: From Sipping to Socializing, Yemen’s Buzz Hits Wall Street!
Spirit Airlines Soars as It Sells the Skies and Cuts the Crew, Proving Less Really is More!
McDonald’s Shares Take a ‘Quarter Pounder’ Plunge After CDC Weighs In on Beefy E. coli Drama
Georgia Gets a Lottery Glow-Up: $478.2 Million Jackpot Turns Quick Mart into Cash Cow!
McDonald’s Sales Take a Sour Turn: E. Coli Outbreak Leaves Diners Flipping for Safety
WWE Faces the Ultimate Tag Team: Lawsuits and Unwanted Attention in a Ring of Scandal
CDC Recommends Pneumonia Vaccine for 50s—Because Who Needs a Healthy Retirement Anyway?
From Champion to Tragedy: South Florida’s New Season Kicks Off with a Heart-Wrenching Overtime
Bird Flu: The Only Flu That Makes You Wonder Who’s Really Flying the Coop
Online Gambling: Because Who Needs Jobs and Relationships When You Can Bet Your Life Away?
Ohtani’s 50th Home Run: Because Why Shouldn’t a Baseball Cost More Than Your House?
Onions Go on the Lam: Fast Food Chains Flee from E. Coli-Drenched Toppings
WNBA Finals: Where Basketball is Finally More Popular Than Watching Paint Dry on NFL’s Sunday Night
Nepotism Dribbles Into the NBA: Bronny James Follows Dad’s Footsteps, Breathlessly Catches Up Post-Cardiac Arrest
McDonald’s Aces New Health Trend: E. Coli Burgers Spark Nation-wide Diet Revolution!
Court Says “No Bagging” in $8.5 Billion Handbag Merger Blowout
[ad_1] In a dramatic twist that has all the excitement of watching paint dry, a US judge…
Gov. Sununu: Trump’s Rhetoric is Like a Bad Roast—We’re All Uncomfortable, but Who’s Bringing the Chips?
[ad_1] New Hampshire’s Gov. Chris Sununu, whose political compass spins true north towards Donald Trump, decided to…
World Leaders Debate Trade Wars as Economies Line Up for the Next Round of ‘Who Can Hurt Themselves More’
[ad_1] Christian Lindner, Germany’s finance minister, was spotted having a serious chat with US Treasury Secretary Janet…
Democrats Spend Millions to Avoid the Senate’s ‘Loser’ Club—Membership Guaranteed!
[ad_1] As the Democrats stare into the abyss of losing the Senate faster than a kid loses…
Surgeon Proves That ‘Eyebrow Tweezing’ Can Now Include Tumour Removal—Forget Apples, We’re Talking Melons!
[ad_1] In a groundbreaking surgical twist that has definitely not been pulled straight from a sci-fi novel,…
Elon Musk Learns The Hard Way That Brazilian Laws Aren’t Just Suggestions
[ad_1] In a shocking twist of events that can only be described as “typical 2023,” the social…
Heroic Soldiers Trade Grenades with Hezbollah: The Ultimate Game of Hot Potato
[ad_1] In the latest installment of “How to Turn a Peaceful Existence into an Agony of Irony,”…
Biden Apologizes for Boarding Schools: Turns Out ‘Going West’ Wasn’t About Weekend Getaways
[ad_1] In a dazzling display of political gymnastics, President Joe Biden has announced he will pirouette his…
Spirit AeroSystems Prepares for Furloughs as Boeing Machinists Continue Their Strike: When Planes Ground, Workers Float!
[ad_1] Behold the majestic Boeing 737 fuselages, taking a leisurely train ride through Wichita, Kansas, as they…
Thanksgiving Meal Deals: The Only Thing Getting Stuffed This Year Is Your Wallet!
[ad_1] Gobble, gobble, folks! In an astonishing twist of capitalist culinary warfare, Sam’s Club has audaciously thrown…
