Four Governors Walk Into a Bar… and Try Not to Drink the Election Away!
VP Harris Wields Grocery Prices and Fascism in a Town Hall: ‘Choose Your Apocalypse Wisely!’
New York: Where Democrats and Republicans Fight Over Who Gets to Lose to New York City
House GOP Barking Up the Wrong Tree: Mace Threatens Subpoena, Claims Biden’s ‘Censorship’ is the Real Misinformation
Bezos Steals Spotlight: Post’s No-endorsement Decision Leaves Editorial Team in Shock Like Finding Out Amazon Prime Doesn’t Include Free Returns!
Nation’s Future: Choose Your Own Adventure—Now with More Plot Twists!
Kamala Harris Attempts Bipartisanship While Trump Plays Hide and Seek: U.S. Politics Enters ‘Find the Leader’ Season
Union Workers Distribute Ballots as Wisconsinites Wonder if Their Memories Are as Short as Their Attention Spans
Delta Sues CrowdStrike: When Your Cybersecurity Update Becomes a Flight Cancellation Special!
Bezos Steals Spotlight: Post’s No-endorsement Decision Leaves Editorial Team in Shock Like Finding Out Amazon Prime Doesn’t Include Free Returns!
David Einhorn Pedals Toward Profit: Can Peloton Spin Its Way From $6 to $31 on a Budget?
Coffee Chains Brew Cultural Capital: From Sipping to Socializing, Yemen’s Buzz Hits Wall Street!
Spirit Airlines Soars as It Sells the Skies and Cuts the Crew, Proving Less Really is More!
McDonald’s Shares Take a ‘Quarter Pounder’ Plunge After CDC Weighs In on Beefy E. coli Drama
Georgia Gets a Lottery Glow-Up: $478.2 Million Jackpot Turns Quick Mart into Cash Cow!
McDonald’s Sales Take a Sour Turn: E. Coli Outbreak Leaves Diners Flipping for Safety
WWE Faces the Ultimate Tag Team: Lawsuits and Unwanted Attention in a Ring of Scandal
CDC Recommends Pneumonia Vaccine for 50s—Because Who Needs a Healthy Retirement Anyway?
From Champion to Tragedy: South Florida’s New Season Kicks Off with a Heart-Wrenching Overtime
Bird Flu: The Only Flu That Makes You Wonder Who’s Really Flying the Coop
Online Gambling: Because Who Needs Jobs and Relationships When You Can Bet Your Life Away?
Ohtani’s 50th Home Run: Because Why Shouldn’t a Baseball Cost More Than Your House?
Onions Go on the Lam: Fast Food Chains Flee from E. Coli-Drenched Toppings
WNBA Finals: Where Basketball is Finally More Popular Than Watching Paint Dry on NFL’s Sunday Night
Nepotism Dribbles Into the NBA: Bronny James Follows Dad’s Footsteps, Breathlessly Catches Up Post-Cardiac Arrest
McDonald’s Aces New Health Trend: E. Coli Burgers Spark Nation-wide Diet Revolution!
Blue Wall Governors Confident Kamala Will Win—Right After They Remind Everyone It’s a Knife-Edge Race!
[ad_1] As the clock ticks down to Election Day—just 16 days left until the next real-life political…
McDonald’s Aces New Health Trend: E. Coli Burgers Spark Nation-wide Diet Revolution!
[ad_1] In a suspicious twist worthy of a culinary thriller, the latest E. coli outbreak has taken…
Steelers Alumni Take to the Stage: One Celebrates, the Other Throws Shade, and Both Become Political MVPs in a Game No One Saw Coming
[ad_1] PITTSBURGH — In a dazzling display of political prowess, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz took center stage…
Elon Musk Throws $44 Million Trump Party While Kamala Harris Plays ‘Keep Up’ at the Fundraising Fiasco
[ad_1] Elon Musk, the world’s richest man and part-time space cowboy, has poured a cool $44 million…
Local Family Reunion Ends in a Game of ‘Who Wants to be Deceased?’
[ad_1] In a plot twist that almost writes itself, a young man in Indianapolis has been handed…
Downing Street Says Outdoor Smoking Ban Isn’t a “Serious” Problem—Next Up, Free Range Doors on Pubs!
[ad_1] In a delightful twist of logic, the Department for Health and Social Care has decided to…
Elon Musk’s Twitter Returns to Brazil: Zero Employees, Full Compliance!
[ad_1] In a stunning twist worthy of a late-night soap opera, Brazil’s own Supreme Court has decided…
Reservists Remembered: A Tragic Reminder That Vacation Days are Overrated in Combat
[ad_1] In the latest episode of “How to Win Friends and Influence No One,” four reservists from…
Colorado Elections: Where Stolen Ballots Pass Signature Verification—Guess Fraud Has Its Own VIP Access!
[ad_1] In a scene plucked straight from a political thriller gone wrong, Colorado’s election integrity just got…
Fast Food Frenzy: Onions Out, Profits in—E. Coli Crisis Turns Menu into Musical Chairs!
[ad_1] In the culinary circus of corporate America, a new act has emerged featuring the deliciously dubious…
