Four Governors Walk Into a Bar… and Try Not to Drink the Election Away!
VP Harris Wields Grocery Prices and Fascism in a Town Hall: ‘Choose Your Apocalypse Wisely!’
New York: Where Democrats and Republicans Fight Over Who Gets to Lose to New York City
House GOP Barking Up the Wrong Tree: Mace Threatens Subpoena, Claims Biden’s ‘Censorship’ is the Real Misinformation
Bezos Steals Spotlight: Post’s No-endorsement Decision Leaves Editorial Team in Shock Like Finding Out Amazon Prime Doesn’t Include Free Returns!
Nation’s Future: Choose Your Own Adventure—Now with More Plot Twists!
Kamala Harris Attempts Bipartisanship While Trump Plays Hide and Seek: U.S. Politics Enters ‘Find the Leader’ Season
Union Workers Distribute Ballots as Wisconsinites Wonder if Their Memories Are as Short as Their Attention Spans
Delta Sues CrowdStrike: When Your Cybersecurity Update Becomes a Flight Cancellation Special!
Bezos Steals Spotlight: Post’s No-endorsement Decision Leaves Editorial Team in Shock Like Finding Out Amazon Prime Doesn’t Include Free Returns!
David Einhorn Pedals Toward Profit: Can Peloton Spin Its Way From $6 to $31 on a Budget?
Coffee Chains Brew Cultural Capital: From Sipping to Socializing, Yemen’s Buzz Hits Wall Street!
Spirit Airlines Soars as It Sells the Skies and Cuts the Crew, Proving Less Really is More!
McDonald’s Shares Take a ‘Quarter Pounder’ Plunge After CDC Weighs In on Beefy E. coli Drama
Georgia Gets a Lottery Glow-Up: $478.2 Million Jackpot Turns Quick Mart into Cash Cow!
McDonald’s Sales Take a Sour Turn: E. Coli Outbreak Leaves Diners Flipping for Safety
WWE Faces the Ultimate Tag Team: Lawsuits and Unwanted Attention in a Ring of Scandal
CDC Recommends Pneumonia Vaccine for 50s—Because Who Needs a Healthy Retirement Anyway?
From Champion to Tragedy: South Florida’s New Season Kicks Off with a Heart-Wrenching Overtime
Bird Flu: The Only Flu That Makes You Wonder Who’s Really Flying the Coop
Online Gambling: Because Who Needs Jobs and Relationships When You Can Bet Your Life Away?
Ohtani’s 50th Home Run: Because Why Shouldn’t a Baseball Cost More Than Your House?
Onions Go on the Lam: Fast Food Chains Flee from E. Coli-Drenched Toppings
WNBA Finals: Where Basketball is Finally More Popular Than Watching Paint Dry on NFL’s Sunday Night
Nepotism Dribbles Into the NBA: Bronny James Follows Dad’s Footsteps, Breathlessly Catches Up Post-Cardiac Arrest
McDonald’s Aces New Health Trend: E. Coli Burgers Spark Nation-wide Diet Revolution!
Senate Showdown: Where Debates Are Just As Real As Unicorns and Factual Arguments Are Optional!
[ad_1] Title: The Great Wisconsin Circus: A Senate Debate for the Ages Step right up, ladies and…
Ohtani’s 50th Home Run: Because Why Shouldn’t a Baseball Cost More Than Your House?
[ad_1] In an event so historic that even your grandma, who thinks baseball is a bat-and-ball-related sitcom,…
Trump’s Tower: Where the Only Thing Higher Than Rent is the Level of Inappropriate Touching
[ad_1] In a plot twist that could’ve been scripted by a particularly cynical Hollywood writer, a former…
Alaska’s Election: Where Even the Candidates Are Ranked by Preference!
[ad_1] Ah, Alaska—where the ballots are colder than the air and the political drama rivals that of…
Labour Party Spreads Joy Across the Pond: How to ‘Illegally’ Help Democrats from 4,000 Miles Away!
[ad_1] In a political twist worthy of a Shakespearean farce, a strategist from Team Starmer decided that…
Manaus River Hits New Low: Local Cashier’s Job Takes a Dive, While Aching for a Bathtub!
[ad_1] MANAUS, Brazil — Breaking news from the land of the Amazon: the Negro River has officially…
Returned from Gaza, but Left His Mind Behind: The Haunted Loyalty of a Soldier
[ad_1] In the latest chapter of “How Not to Cure PTSD,” we have Eliran Mizrahi, a dad…
Gen Z’s Gender Gap: Young Women Flee to Harris While Young Men Remain Stuck in Trump’s Emotional Support Zone
[ad_1] Welcome to the Political Circus—where reality is just the punchline to the surreal joke known as…
McDonald’s Shares Take a ‘Quarter Pounder’ Plunge After CDC Weighs In on Beefy E. coli Drama
[ad_1] In a twist worthy of a horror movie plot, an outbreak of a particularly charming little…
Georgia Gets a Lottery Glow-Up: $478.2 Million Jackpot Turns Quick Mart into Cash Cow!
[ad_1] In a plot twist that could only be captured in a Hollywood script, Buford, Georgia, has…
