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In a stunning revelation that’s sure to make the average American weep into their salad, it turns out less than one-fifth of the bigwigs at large U.S. corporations are willing to foot the bill for those fancy but fabulously expensive weight loss drugs, like Wegovy and Zepbound. A recent survey from Health Affairs appears to show that CEOs are doing their absolute best impression of Scrooge McDuck by not including these drugs in their health insurance packages. After all, why invest in employee health when you can just invest in a new yacht?

Among the generous souls that actually do cover these drugs, nearly a third have found that doing so has a “significant impact” on their plans’ prescription drug spending. Shocking, isn’t it? Who would have thought that offering a life-changing medication could be a budget buster? “Employers are really trying to thread the needle right now,” commented Matthew Rae from KFF, a group that studies these healthcare shenanigans. What he meant, of course, is that they’re trying to balance their employees’ health with their own thirst for profit—it’s like a high-stakes game of Jenga, but with human lives for blocks.

Out of the 154 million folks who get health insurance through their jobs, the latest survey of over 2,100 employers reveals half are tossing these drugs in the “nope” pile. And almost a third are blissfully unaware if they even cover them. Less than one in five of these conglomerates can be bothered to provide the meds. When it comes to America’s behemoth corporations (those with 5,000 or more employees), the numbers are even more disheartening: more than a quarter actually do cover these drugs, while nearly two-thirds have opted for the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.

Dr. Susan Spratt—a senior medical director and known for her sunny outlook—called the results downright “disheartening,” adding that “many people who need the medications aren’t getting it.” But hey, at least the rich can still afford their $1,000 monthly doses—a win for the 1%. “We are just widening health disparities by making it harder for patients to access life-changing medication,” she lamented, while sipping her kale smoothie and scrolling through Instagram.

Obesity, that lovely hallmark of modern life, claims a steady 40% of U.S. adults. Although the obesity rates have somehow decided to stay stable, the rates of severe obesity have climbed from 7.7% to a staggering 9.7%. Dr. Christopher McGowan, a gastroenterologist from a weight loss clinic in North Carolina, is here to tell us it’s all those employers and insurance companies that are the real culprits for this lack of coverage. But please, let’s just redirect our fury—kick the blame away from those poor executives who just want to avoid going bankrupt while deciding whether to cover weight loss drugs or their third holiday home.

So, here’s a fun fact: Wegovy and Zepbound can run you more than a grand a month, because apparently, when it comes to losing weight, your wallet must also go on a diet—who knew? And as North Carolina recently discovered, covering these medications for their employees could lead to an eye-watering $600 million hole in the budget over just five years. “The root of the problem is cost. Plain and simple,” McGowan said, adding that it is “economically impossible” to cover everyone without raising rates and prompting a health plan bankruptcy. But hey, who doesn’t love a little existential dread with their insurance coverage?

Rae also noted that costs are just untenable for employers. Currently, the average health insurance premium is hovering around $25,000 for a family of four—because nothing screams “affordable healthcare” quite like a second mortgage for your health plan! And if one-third of your workers suddenly decide they’re all Billie Eilish-like and want the $10,000 drug? Yeah, that’ll burn a hole in any budget.

As for Novo Nordisk and Eli Lilly, they’ve taken to their silence like a tortoise retreating into the safety of its shell. Meanwhile, for companies that do cover these weight loss drugs, half are requiring employees to jump through a few hoops, such as meeting with a dietitian or joining a weight-loss program, basically turning health improvement into a slightly twisted version of corporate training sessions.

And for the cherry on top of this healthcare sundae, only a measly 3% of firms that don’t provide coverage are “very likely” to do so in the next year. But nearly half of these corporate overlords say that covering GLP-1 drugs is “very important” for keeping their employees happy. Because nothing says “we care about your health” quite like offering an option that’s completely unattainable. Cheers to prioritizing health with a side of irony!

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