Netanyahu Celebrates Another ‘Victory’ as Hamas Leaders Become Jobless in Gaza

[ad_1]

Beirut, Lebanon – In the latest episode of “As the Gaza Turns,” Israeli forces decided to spice things up by offing Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar during a surprise shootout in Rafah. Filming for the next gripping chapter of destruction, commentators across the West dusted off their optimism, hoping this might just be the miracle cure for the ongoing Gaza war – because we all know that killing a leader has always been a surefire way to resolve decades of conflict.

However, analysts whispered sweet nothings of cynicism into the ears of the press. They suggested that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, akin to a scheming magician, would simply pull another war-related rabbit out of his peacock feathered hat. The man’s motives, they claim, are less about peace and more about the inexplicably high stakes of personal gain and the grand Israeli dream of a spacious expanse devoid of pesky Palestinians.

Netanyahu’s Fears

Netanyahu, bless his heart, apparently has fears that rival those of a kid who’s just learned that “the monster under the bed” is a very real possibility. His fear of losing power is so profound, it’s practically a Shakespearean tragedy. With multiple cases of fraud, bribery, and a breach of trust looming over him like a dark cloud, he’s wrestling with the idea of swapping his star-studded prime ministerial lifestyle for a cozy jail cell. Sounds fun, right?

Despite the looming gray bars of possible conviction, the man succeeded in latching onto another term. After all, what’s politics without a bit of self-preservation? He and his far-right pals embarked on another thrill ride, conjuring up laws to neuter the judiciary – because who needs checks and balances when you have the wild card of authoritarian whims?

Meanwhile, the International Criminal Court found itself interested in Netanyahu and Defense Minister Yoav Gallant for their, shall we say, creative interpretations of “human rights.” But why let facts spoil a good control tactic? According to analyst Diana Buttu, Netanyahu’s playbook clearly states that perpetual conflict is the name of the game – and he’s the reigning champion – using fear as his greatest weapon to keep the people loyal and obedient.

The cherry on top? A Hezbollah drone decided to send a not-so-gentle reminder to Netanyahu by allegedly buzzing his house in Caesarea. Instead of a simple “This isn’t an Airbnb,” he spun it as some form of Iranian conspiracy because, let’s face it, who doesn’t love a scapegoat?

Locked in a Permanent Conflict

Since launching their little war on Gaza, Israel’s kill count has skyrocketed to over 42,000. But hey, the death of their "number one enemy," Sinwar, is probably just a minor speed bump on this wild joyride. Omar Rahman, the resident analyst, maintains that Netanyahu has miscalculated again. Who needs peace when you can have endless destruction and depopulation?

Israel’s grand tour of military prowess began following a Hamas-led party crash on October 7, which resulted in a significant number of deaths and hostages. Gaza – lovingly referred to as the “world’s largest open-air prison” – has become quite the hotspot for human suffering ever since Israel kindly stepped away from its physical occupation in 2005; this was just a strategic move to make way for more expansion in the West Bank – nothing personal!

Israel has long been playing hard-to-get with peace negotiations, and just like a bad reality TV couple, it finds itself in permanent conflict because, why would it give up the spotlight? Netanyahu is sticking to his guns, vowing to wage all-out war to “rescue the remaining Israeli captives” while opening a new front against Lebanon, because if you can’t fix one problem, why not add two more?

Since grabbing the reins of power on October 7, Netanyahu has thrown a wrench in numerous ceasefire attempts like a toddler throwing tantrums in a candy store. His assassination antics, such as ordering the takedown of Ismael Haniyeh right in the middle of his Iran vacation, have only added to his prestige.

Oren Ziv, an Israeli political commentator, nailed it when he said that the killing of Sinwar merely feeds the far-right’s insatiable appetite for warfare. It’s like feeding a hungry alligator – it only gets hungrier, and no one leaves the room unscathed.

No Lessons Learned

One might find it a tad ironic that Israel, which took a stab at assassinating Hamas founder Sheikh Ahmed Yassin back in 2004 – you know, the one in a wheelchair? – somehow ended up boosting Hamas’ popularity instead. And just like that, the very killing that was meant to put an end to dissent only invigorated it! But why learn from history when you can repeat it? After all, success is not measured by the stability you provide, but by the chaos you create.

As the ongoing war continues, analysts have observed that Palestinian resistance is as stubborn as a weed. The gravitational force of anger seems to keep pulling fighters, regardless of the number of leaders toppling left and right. And as long as the grievances of Palestinians remain largely unaddressed, these weeds will only grow thicker.

It’s a twisted sort of simplicity, really. The oppression breeds resistance, and here we are, an infinite loop of violence and misunderstanding enacted by players who refuse to do the one thing that might actually be effective: learn from the past and try something different. But that wouldn’t be half as entertaining, would it?