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In the latest twist of the political circus, new polling reveals that Donald Trump and Kamala Harris are now in a fierce dead heat—mirroring a high-stakes race between a vintage clown car and the pop-up tent selling cotton candy laced with existential dread. Voters are torn between Trump’s toupee-style charisma and Harris’s charm that could probably convince a cat to take a bath.

It’s like watching a horror movie where the hero and the villain argue over who gets to use the last slice of pizza—both equally unqualified to manage a slice of cheese, let alone the nation. Meanwhile, the country collectively braces for the possibility of a debate where Trump might use a magic wand and Harris counters with a PowerPoint presentation bolstered by Instagram filters.

As the nation tunes in, popcorn in hand, it’s a delightful reminder that democracy is just a fun fair where everyone gets a turn on the Ferris wheel, but it’s still broken and spins perpetually in circles, leaving us all dizzy and wondering if we remembered to take our medication.

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