MLB Playoff Viewership Skyrockets as Fans Forget Their Drained Savings in Hopes of Watching Rich Athletes Battle for More Wealth

Major League Baseball’s postseason is like your uncle at Thanksgiving—surprisingly loud and somehow still managing to grab everyone’s attention despite the boring side dishes.

The National League Championship Series kicked off with the New York Mets and Los Angeles Dodgers doing battle on Sunday. Their game averaged 8.26 million viewers across Fox Sports’ various streaming platforms, proving once again that Americans collectively enjoy watching millionaires throw balls around more than actually living their own lives. This viewership was the most since 2009—a time when flip phones were still a thing and “social distancing” meant avoiding that one guy who always brought fruitcake to parties.

Meanwhile, the American League Championship Series got in on the action with the New York Yankees and Cleveland Guardians—who we can all agree should change their name to the “Cleveland Minor Adjustments.” Their Monday night game saw a 4% increase in views from 2023, netting 3.9 million spectators who opted to cheer for New York instead of watching “Monday Night Football,” where all three New York NFL teams also played, like a real-life version of “Survivor: Empires of Mediocrity.”

These championship series ratings come on the heels of MLB’s four-leaf clover of successful league division series. The American League Division Series averaged 3 million viewers—an increase of over 20% from last year—making one wonder if everyone finally figured out the games were on television. Even the National League Division Series saw some love, particularly game four, which apparently had more viewers than a cat video on YouTube. Exciting times!

However, amid cries of “Let’s Follow the Leader,” MLB’s cultural relevance has been under scrutiny lately, especially as younger generations, notorious for scrolling through TikTok as if it’s a life-or-death situation, are now inching into demographics that advertisers want. Highlights and clips are now the new bread and butter, drawing in those attention-challenged youngsters like moths to a digital flame.

And lest we forget, last year’s World Series featuring the Texas Rangers versus the Arizona Diamondbacks limped through like a tortoise in a marathon, reaching some of the lowest TV ratings in history—mostly because the matchup was about as exciting as watching paint dry on a rainy day without caffeine. Experts blame the lack of “national appeal,” which sounds nicer than admitting nobody cared about teams from Texas and Arizona.

As MLB patted itself on the back for a 2024 season filled with increased attendance and streaming numbers (thanks to the pitch clock that cleverly disguised the fact that baseball games still drag out longer than a middle school dance), the league insisted that its new rule changes—like bigger bases and restrictions against defensive shifts—have finally got the kids hyped up. Apparently, they’ve concluded that younger fans want more action akin to a demolition derby—just with slightly fewer hospital visits.

“We’re thrilled with the enthusiasm, folks!” MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred announced, probably while wearing a party hat and surrounded by confetti. “The fans are clearly interested in historic performances and thrilling pennant races”—which translates loosely to, “Please God, don’t let us be boring!”

Meanwhile, the stars of the show are no longer the average Joe—now it’s all about the superstars like Shohei Ohtani and Aaron Judge, who could carve out their own reality show called “MLB’s Most Eligible Bachelors: Ballparks and Home Runs”—if they both don’t choke in the LCS first, of course.

“This is the dream matchup—two of the most storied franchises clashing!” gushed Eldridge Industries CEO Todd Boehly, probably while calculating how to monetize the event. The Dodgers and Yankees could face off in the World Series, a showdown dripping with nostalgia and the scent of overpriced hot dogs.

And while the Mets pulled off a season turnaround thanks to some kind of mystical intervention involving Grimace, the Guardians are on a hot streak fueled by star player Jose Ramirez’s September heroics after nearly dropping their dignity to the Kansas City Royals.

As we check the scoreboard, the Yankees lead the Guardians 2-0, while the Mets and Dodgers are stuck in a 1-1 tie, proving that in baseball, just like in life, everyone’s always trying to figure out how to come out on top without getting too much dirt on their uniforms.