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Next week, we’re all set for a riveting episode of “Who’s a Worker Anyway?” as the shiny new Labour government prepares to unleash what can only be described as a budget masterpiece—if your idea of art is a chaotic explosion of fiscal disarray. What a treat!
Sir Keir Starmer has been tossing around the term “working people” like confetti at a particularly grim parade, trying to assure voters he won’t make their wallets any lighter. Spoiler alert: someone’s taxes are definitely going up. But don’t worry! The PM refuses to play Harry Potter with our economic woes; he simply insists we’re not returning to austerity, which is a comfort as we brace ourselves for cuts that might not feel too “big.” Surely, the ambiguity is the best part of budgeting!
Treasury insiders—those magical folks who make numbers dance—are whispering that we need a whopping £40 billion to hold the public finances together. It’s like trying to patch a sinking ship with bubble gum, really. And yes, those fresh new tax increases are likely on the menu—a delightful dish served cold and with a side of disappointment for the “working people” caught in the net.
And speaking of “working people,” Sir Keir has a rather narrow vision. You see, if your income comes from assets (like those pesky shares or a second property), you’re apparently not deemed a “real” worker. No, no! Real workers are the ones clutching their stomachs in anxiety, hoping that the next letter from the council doesn’t request payment for that imaginary gold-plated pothole they’re supposedly fixing.
Who exactly does this “mind’s eye” view encompass? It could be the average white van man—precariously dodging rising fuel duties—or a sleep-deprived nurse frantically calculating if higher council taxes will cover her morning coffee. What a mixed bag of empathy!
Sure, the chancellor could raise £7 billion a year by extending tax band freezes beyond 2028. And just like that, the millions in Sir Keir’s dreamworld might wake up to realize their supposed champions are merely handing them a bill.
Historically speaking, a broad definition of “working people” is a great strategy during elections—it’s like casting the widest net possible in a sea of discontent. But now that the gory details are here, we can’t help but wonder: who will get tossed overboard when the budget cuts start making splashes?
Oh, the irony! In a society where “working people” encompasses nearly everyone in a job, it’s painfully absurd how many will likely feel betrayed once tax hikes rain down like confetti at a funeral. Cheers to capitalism, where everyone is working, but somehow few can afford to breathe!
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