[ad_1]
Vice President Kamala Harris, clearly channeling her inner House of Cards protagonist, decided that her health needed a press release more than a hot take on last night’s dinner. In a valiant attempt to distract from former President Trump’s ongoing game of medical peek-a-boo, Harris rolled out her medical history like an amateur magician revealing how the sausage is made. Spoiler alert: the sausage looks unremarkable, much like her routine bloodwork.
Her doctor, Dr. Joshua Simmons, reassured America that she’s “in excellent health,” asserting that she possesses the “physical and mental resilience” to be Commander in Chief, while allegedly fighting off seasonal allergies that could rival a soap opera’s dramatic tension. Turns out, the scariest thing in Harris‘s medical dossier is her family history of colon cancer, which feels downright festive next to Trump’s past experiences with high cholesterol and a penchant for fast food.
During a recent photo-op at the airport—a place where transparency typically means your luggage being delayed—Kamala went after Trump for his health records. “Every presidential candidate has released their health history, except for Trump, who’s clearly too busy plotting his next candidacy while maintaining an air of divine mystery,” she scoffed. Who knew that withholding medical records could be the latest trend in political fashion?
As she delicately dodged the chance to diagnose Trump on the fly, Harris lamented that he “does not have the ability to do the job,” which is a strong statement coming from someone whose job description includes navigating the minefield of political absurdity known as the White House. Meanwhile, the former president continues to regale us with hints of his health history, like a chef teasing a secret ingredient—so far, all we’ve deduced is he’s staying “excellent,” with an asterisk.
And in a delightful twist of irony that would make Kafka drop his coffee, Harris is flipping the age card on Trump’s septuagenarian shoulders. Democrats are heavily leaning into jokes about Trump’s age, asserting that he’s not just a bit old—it’s almost like he’s auditioning for a role in a geriatric remake of The Expendables. “He could be a heartbeat away from the Oval Office,” they quipped about his vice-presidential mate JD Vance, which suggests that we’re one awkward stutter away from a medical emergency in the presidential suite.
With the age hierarchy in disarray, it seems everyone’s playing the political game of “who’s too old?” while growing older themselves. As they say, in politics, age is just a number—except when that number is 78, and the gallows humor is so thick you can cut it with a butter knife. So, as Harris pumps out her health reports like an old-timey newspaper, one thing is for sure: in this circus, the only thing more entertaining than the candidates is the existential dread waiting for the next debate.
[ad_2]
Harris-release-medical-report-give-trumps-health-advanced/story?id=114739386″>Source
