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As Donald Trump and Kamala Harris embark on their grand circus tour—sorry, I meant presidential campaign—one can only imagine the fate of those undecided voters in battleground states, glued to their screens like ghoulish zombies scrolling through ads from “The Daily Scroll,” as if it’s a hot new brand of cereal rather than political propaganda.
These ads, which seem to have been designed by a committee of bored middle schoolers, flaunt headlines about plummeting inflation and reduced insulin prices like they’re giving away free kittens. Who doesn’t love a little cheerleading for a political party, right? Meanwhile, the irony drips from these meticulously crafted headlines like maple syrup on a sad pancake at a diner. No one’s paying for these gleaming nuggets of good news though; that privilege has been wholly claimed by Harris’s campaign, which has dropped a cool $11 million on social media charm offensives, turning “The Daily Scroll” into a festive piñata of optimism— one that only Harris seems to be allowed to hit.
Since launching her presidential aspirations this summer, Harris’s campaign has shelled out more cash on Facebook than your average tech start-up does on avocado toast—nearly $80 million, in fact. That’s right folks, while Trump’s team scrapes by with a meager $9.4 million, Harris is popping champagne with her influencers, treating social media like her own personal dessert table.
The problem? While these ads are layered with the faux-familiarity of mainstream media, like a vegetarian hot dog at a BBQ—appetizing from afar but slightly questionable up close—the grim reality is that they’re simply designed to ram home the notion that everything is peachy keen with a side of twisted irony. The ads are a smorgasbord of optimism that would make any dystopian novelist raise an eyebrow, especially considering the disclaimer stating—rather cheekily—that they’re “paid for by Harris for President.” No dumpster fires here, folks—just freshly baked propaganda cookies!
In a dizzying modern twist, the ads funneled into anxious scrolling hands have been shown over 700 million times, primarily to folks in states like Wisconsin and Georgia who might soon decide whether to vote for optimism or chaos. And while Harris’s campaign goes full tilt into the gleeful world of PR jazz hands, the “Daily Scroll” social media accounts themselves sit there, untouched and lonely with around 1,000 followers like a forgotten high school yearbook dangling in a dusty corner.
Oh, and let’s not forget the ads where the proclamations of “Great News! Things are totally fine!” glimmer like a fake diamond ring in a sleazy pawn shop. Meanwhile, as the comments section fills with the modern-day equivalent of pitchforks and torches, all you can do is chuckle at the absurdity of ads promoting reports that paint Harris with an angelic glow while tossing shade at Trump like confetti at a particularly messy wedding.
So here we are, folks—two gladiators in the political coliseum, juggling social media expenses and headlines that pry into the soul of “the truth,” all while the battleground states continue scrolling and sighing, caught between amusement and utter disbelief.
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