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In a theater of the absurd known as America, Vice President Kamala Harris decided to roll out the welcome mat for undecided voters in the enchanted land of Pennsylvania—a place where political promises are as airy as cotton candy at a county fair. She graced a CNN town hall, hoping to charm the wavering souls who might still ponder whether to vote for the ghost of a president who once thought fascism was a peppy accessory.
In a stunning act of contrast reminiscent of a circus acrobat, she cast former President Donald Trump as the villain in this political soap opera, who, of course, opted to skip town and avoid the spotlight—a classic disappearing act that left many wondering if he was auditioning for the next big magic show.
As the suave Anderson Cooper pried into Trump‘s shady affiliations with dictators like a nosy neighbor peeking through the curtains, it was here that Harris took her cues from a former Trump aide, spinning tales like a holiday storyteller, ensuring everyone knew who had the red flags waving.
Harris repeatedly pointed to the silent alarm bells rung by Trump’s ex-generals like a seasoned carny trying to get attention during a fair game. “Listen to their warnings!” she cried, as if they held the key to understanding the perplexing riddle of why anyone would vote for a man who sees the world as his own grand stage for a reality show.
When asked directly if she considered Trump a fascist, her answer was a swift, unfiltered “Yes,” allowing the audience to imagine a grim-faced Trump grimacing in defeat, while she spun more tales about how not all heroes wear capes, some just wield a microphone and a well-placed eyebrow raise.
In yet another spectacle, an undecided voter sought solace as if wandering through a political desert, claiming to feel neglected by the two-party system. Harris dusted off her legal career like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat, promising, “I will be a president for all Americans,” which sounded like the kind of slogan you find on a used car dealership’s front sign when the inventory is a little thin.
Meanwhile, when it came to housing—an issue more complex than devising a plan for world peace—she presented a couch potato’s dream of working with the private sector, all while belting out promises of a $6,000 child tax credit like it was a new brand of soda. “But first, let me tell you how I’ve been doing this thing called bipartisanship,” she declared, surely causing eye rolls around the room.
And of course, in a parallel universe where prices don’t matter, talks of price-gouging regulations mixed with critiques of Trump’s tariffs added another layer to the political soufflé that no one asked for—but everyone was served.
Harris‘s grand vision was interrupted only to remind everyone that Trump should be at the town hall, pondering life’s great mysteries and promising the stars, if only he weren’t so busy plotting revenge against…everyone.
As Cooper grilled her about whether she would be better than Trump on foreign policy—an infinitely moving Target—her answer was as carefully crafted as a high school valedictorian’s speech. “Trump is dangerous.” Well, at least we can agree on that amidst the chaos of self-revelation.
She wrapped up this carnival of ideas with a heartfelt prayer—because what’s a political game without a little divine intervention? With grand aspirations to bring sanity back to the insane asylum that is U.S. politics, Harris invoked her spiritual connection and suggestion of bipartisan efforts, hoping to scrub the political slate clean like a political maid with a broom.
So, as the audience clung to their popcorn, they were left with a mix of laughter, disbelief, and a twinge of hope that maybe—just maybe—the absurdity was just a phase that we could laugh our way through.
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