IDF to Family of Fallen Soldier: Sorry, Your Son’s Cross Is Just Too Cross for Our Cemetery

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In a heartwarming twist of irony, the Defense Ministry is battling it out with the family of St.-Sgt. David Bogdanovsky over a little thing called religious freedom—specifically, the shocking audacity of a cross on his headstone. Because, of course, nothing says “we honor our fallen soldiers” quite like making sure there are no competing symbols of faith at Haifa military cemetery, where the dead apparently vie for the title of Most Appropriate Gravestone Decor.

The Ministry insists that a cross could really hurt the feelings of the other grieving families—because who needs a sense of community when you can have a minimalistic Jewish cemetery vibe, bereft of any decorative distractions? “We’re just trying to maintain the sanctity… of grief,” they said, conveniently ignoring the fact that grief might actually be bolstered by diversity. But hey, the IDF Chief Rabbi has ruled, and it’s best to keep the graveyard drama in check.

On a bright note, though, the Ministry graciously mourns along with the Bogdanovsky family, showcasing their sensitivity by strapping a black cloth over David’s headstone during another ceremony. Nothing screams “we care” like a veil of obscurity, right? Imagine Sarah from accounting shielding her eyes, having a good sob for the ones who fell on October 7, while David’s family struggles with their private tragedy being masked by mourning rituals!

The family has pointed out that other headstones in the cemetery don’t follow these peculiar rules. Apparently, only certain lives are worthy of a cross-free resting place. And isn’t it a joy to know that David, a Christian proudly serving in the Jewish state, is still fighting an uphill battle—against both the enemy and bureaucracy?

So, as the Ministry works to “reach an agreement” (spoiler: it’s likely going to involve a lot more cloth covering and psychic adjustments), let’s all take a moment to appreciate the true absurdity of war: not only do you die for your country, but you might also end up in a no-crossover area in the afterlife. Just one more reminder that patriotism in the grave is still remarkably picky.