Girl Scouts Raise Dues 160%: A Cookie-Cutting Plan to Save Their Dough!

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In a decision that has left cookie-loving scouts and bemused economists scratching their heads, the Girl Scouts of the USA have voted to raise membership prices by a staggering 160% in the next two years. Apparently, the cash-strapped, 112-year-old organization decided it was time to stir the pot of its increasingly soggy financial soup.

The jaw-dropping fee hike was greenlit during a National Council meeting attended by 900 wide-eyed delegates, who were probably in a sugar-induced frenzy after consuming just a few too many Thin Mints. As the votes were counted, it was revealed that dues will rise to $45 for the 2026 membership year and sneakily jump again to $65 in 2027—because why not make financial planning feel like playing Monopoly after someone flipped the board?

For now, membership dues will remain at the charmingly outdated price of $25 for 2025, which has been the same price for a solid eight years—hardly a steep mountain to climb in a world where a cup of coffee can cost more than a Netflix subscription.

Membership dues are the bread and butter for the Girl Scouts, raking in a sweet $38 million in 2023 from nearly 2 million members. However, it seems that even the most delectable cookies can’t save the organization from a projected whopping loss of $5.6 million. Thus, the price hikes are presented as a “no-brainer”—because who doesn’t love paying more for the same dubious return on investment?

In a cheery, almost too-optimistic tone, the organization claimed this financial “uplift” will help implement initiatives impacting “scout councils, volunteers, and the girls and families we serve.” This begs the question: if the initiatives are so great, perhaps a bake sale could suffice instead of squeezing wallets until they whimper.

By upping the fees, the Girl Scouts promise to make programs “easier to deliver” and technology “easier to use.” It’s almost as if they’re claiming that paying more will open a secret door to a world where technology works without a glitch—newsflash, it doesn’t, no matter how much you pay. But dream on, Bonnie Barczykowski, Girl Scouts of the USA CEO.

Without this audacious fee increase, the organization warned of needing to make “dramatic cuts.” Cuts that might make even the sharpest kitchen knife look like a butter spreader in comparison.

National Board Treasurer Diane Tipton promised members that they’d already battened down all hatches and trimmed expenses in every possible category, as if they were on a ship sinking beneath the weight of dubious financial decisions.

But not everyone is thrilled; some members have voiced their disdain. “Insane” was the word that popped up when troops were mentioned as potential ghosts of campsites past if these hikes persisted—like some unfortunate cookie calamity in the making.

“It’s an enormous increase,” squealed Sally Bertram, a 30-year troop leader who might just have enough stories to rival the creators of popular folklore. “You’re going to run yourselves out of business at this rate!” Here’s hoping the cookie sales don’t fade faster than a moment of zen after a tough day at work!