[ad_1]
In an utterly shocking twist, the Girl Scouts of the USA have decided not to raise cookie prices—*what a relief,* right? Instead, they’re opting for a rip-roaring hike in membership dues. Get your wallets ready, folks! This could turn out to be the first troop bake sale funded entirely by parents selling their kidneys on the black market.
This Saturday, 900 delegates will convene to vote on whether to raise the yearly scouting fee from a humble $25 to a jaw-dropping $85. That’s right—a *whopping* 240% increase! Just think of it as the fiscal equivalent of a roller-coaster ride with no safety bar—thrilling, but probably not advisable.
“This is all about supporting local councils and ensuring current and future members get some real bang for their bucks,” said a Girl Scouts spokesperson. Because nothing screams “value” like sales pitches that depend on $85 membership fees rather than the *deliciously sweet* $4 Thin Mints!
Membership dues are the biggest cash cow for the Girl Scouts, with 2023 raking in a scrumptious $38 million from nearly 2 million members. Yet, the organization might as well be starring in a horror movie, projecting an operating loss of $5.6 million this year. Spoiler alert: someone needs to find a better budget consultant!
Unsurprisingly, some members are throwing up their hands, claiming the new fee might just lock some girls out of the fun. “It’s absurd!” exclaimed Sally Bertram, a 30-year veteran troop leader. “This is like charging for the privilege to breathe air at an oxygen bar!”
Bertram, who has lived the Girl Scout dream herself and now leads a troop for her three granddaughters, points out that they get absolutely *nothing* for this newfound expense. No shiny new uniforms, no spiffy badges—just a lighter wallet! “I kicked off a new troop with my youngest granddaughters, and I had to beg the moms for $20 to cover essentials,” she lamented. The irony is *delicious*—who knew ‘Girl Scout’ would be a euphemism for ‘fundraiser’?
Leadership has bravely admitted that membership has declined, likely because of the pandemic and those pesky rising costs—thanks, inflation! Nothing like a global crisis to turn traditional cookie-cutter fundraising efforts into full-blown financial speed bumps.
Diane Tipton, the national board treasurer, claimed they’ve slashed expenses “in every category.” Just imagine them wielding scissors over every expense sheet like manic tailors on a fabric binge!
Ah yes, this $85 fee is touted as a way to “make volunteer support easier and tech management smoother.” Sounds like they took a few too many business courses that confused operational efficiency with pushing the financial envelope. Meanwhile, Bonnie Barczykowski, the CEO, talks about exploring *new experiences* for the girls, but in reality, it feels more like they’re just exploring *new ways to extract cash*.
Bertram wouldn’t be surprised with a slight bump to $35, but $85? “That’s insanity!” She’s ready to take her troop to a charming establishment she’ll call “Sally’s Clubhouse” if the hikes keep climbing that high.
Just like everyone else, the Girl Scouts have been knee-deep in the quagmire of rapid changes, inflation, and post-cancellation trauma. But Tipton uttered a comforting line claiming we all must acknowledge “Girl Scouting’s value for our girls.” Sounds like a sales pitch at a used car lot!
The Boy Scouts raised their dues to $85 this April, but theirs was a mere *$5 increase*. Oh, the irony! It’s like comparing a scaling mountain to a harmless speed bump—one just looks better when you don’t know the backstory!
Kelly Goldsmith, marketing professor and fellow troop leader, weighed in with a blunt assessment: “It’s a mess.” And she’s totally right—if you’re considering a fee hike that gets compared to financially circling the toilet bowl, you might want to rethink your entire business model.
“This is a last resort to get themselves out of a financial mess,” Goldsmith quipped, evidently amused at the painful parallels to a desperate haggler at a garage sale, and she believes that families in lower-income communities will suffer the most. But hey, let’s not worry about them if it means funding the fabulous Fifth Avenue headquarters!
GSUSA claims they’ll still provide financial aid to “reduce barriers,” though they may also be revealing their plan for an elite “Gilded Girl Scouts” experience for those with deeper pockets. Goldsmith believes that membership might suffer a lot more than anticipated, potentially sending the middle-class girl scouts away looking for “cookie-free” alternatives.
To add salt to the wound, the council is considering raising adult volunteer dues from $25 to $45 as well—because when you’re milking your loyal customers, why not get a double whammy? In fact, why not let the CEO of GSUSA, who raked in a sweet $785,000 last year, take a nice cut to relieve some of the pressure?
Goldsmith couldn’t help but shake her head at the optics of this situation, summing it up perfectly: “You’re milking your loyal customers.” That’s a sentiment likely shared by many parents, unsure if they should offer their daughters a chance at scouting success or just invest in a cookie-making kit and call it a day.
Source
