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In a turn of events that somehow manages to be both predictable and utterly absurd, former NFL quarterback Tom Brady has officially entered the boardroom brawl of professional sports by snagging a 10% stake in the Las Vegas Raiders. Yes, the man who threw a perfect spiral for decades is now throwing around investment capital like it’s confetti at a Super Bowl party.

At a league meeting in Atlanta – where one can only imagine that the menu consisted entirely of wings and overpriced nachos – NFL owners unanimously gave the thumbs up to Brady’s acquisition. Though it’s unclear what the price tag is for this slice of football glory, we know the Raiders have been on quite the financial glow-up since moving from Oakland to the glitzy streets of Las Vegas. Plummeting from the bottom-half of the NFL barrel to a stunning $7.8 billion valuation — because nothing screams “we’re rich!” like a slot machine with your team’s logo on it.

The Raiders made a cool $780 million in revenue last year, trailing only a couple of teams that likely have their own currency printed for convenience. But wait—there’s a twist! While Allegiant Stadium may be one of the league’s coziest venues at just 65,000 seats (who needs elbow room anyway?), the Raiders are lovingly compensating fans by charging them the highest ticket prices in the league. Because when you’re dropping big bucks on a live game, you certainly want to feel the palpable anxiety of your wallet shrinking as much as the on-field drama.

Perhaps in a plot twist befitting of a Brady-led game-winning drive, his billionaire partner, Tom Wagner from Knighthead Capital, helped navigate the waters of this investment. Now, brace yourself for the irony: Brady’s broadcasting deal with Fox Sports, which is worth a jaw-dropping $375 million over ten years, is now under tighter restrictions than a rookie in a locker room of temperamental veterans. The man can be a part-owner of the team, but he can’t attend game meetings, be near team facilities, or even rescue a wayward official from a tide of bad calls. Talk about earning a front-row seat to your own Broadway show where you’re not even allowed backstage!

Oh, and let’s not forget that Tom Brady is becoming the third former NFL player to unlock this ownership level, joining the ranks of men who have always fought for victory on the field, only to find themselves battling in the boardroom now. This ownership saga is just another chapter in Brady’s legendary ascent, which has somehow turned football into front-row seating to the corporate circus.

And don’t overlook that this isn’t Brady’s first rodeo with a Las Vegas team; he already owns a piece of the WNBA’s Las Vegas Aces, because why should the basketball ladies have all the fun? At this point, it seems like he’s on a quest to collect minority stakes like Pokémon cards.

So, as Tom Brady transitions from throwing touchdowns to throwing financial proposals, the NFL continues to churn out these bizarre, tailgate-worthy headlines that keep reminding us just how wild and wacky this world truly is. Welcome to the circus, ladies and gentlemen—where the stakes are high and the tickets are higher!

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