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In a plot twist that could rival a daytime soap opera, San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Ricky Pearsall is making his triumphant return to the field this Sunday against the Kansas City Chiefs—just a mere two months after he was shot in the chest. Talk about getting back into the game, huh? Who knew that the quickest way to secure playing time was a one-way ticket to a life-or-death encounter?

San Francisco head coach Kyle Shanahan, clearly the more optimistic of the bunch, announced Pearsall’s reactivation to reporters Friday, probably while wearing a cape as a nod to his superhero-like recovery. “The guys are pumped! He’s been around, practicing all week—like a sitcom character who disappears for a season but somehow returns just in time for the season finale,” Shanahan said, likely dreaming of fantasy football glory. “It’s been great to see him out there. He’s had quite the week, and we just can’t wait to see him on the field… hopefully without additional *unexpected* visitors!”

Pearsall rejoined the practice squad on Monday, marking his return after a minor detour that involved a gunshot and a police report—just regular NFL rookie stuff, right? He was shot in San Francisco’s Union Square, a part of town where you can often find local artists enthusiastically drawing caricatures, and now, apparently, hobbies include attempted robbery.

All this excitement stems from an alleged robbery gone wrong, where a 17-year-old attempted to turn Pearsall into a new sort of statistic—one that he clearly wasn’t buying into (literally). As per reports, the armed suspect approached Pearsall, and in a twist of fate (or perhaps sheer absurdity), they engaged in a tussle that ended with at least two gunshots being fired. Must be a new football tackling drill: “The Featherweight Fumble!”

Target=”_blank”>San Francisco Police Chief Bill Scott even chimed in, mentioning that the suspect is now facing charges that sound more like a fun weekend’s worth of poor decisions: attempted murder, assault with a semi-automatic firearm, and second-degree attempted robbery. Ah, kids these days; when did scavenger hunts for cash turn this lethal?

Let’s just hope that Pearsall has traded in those gunshot wounds for a shiny new jersey—and that the only thing catching fire this Sunday is his reception record. The rookie was, after all, picked by the 49ers in the first round of the 2024 NFL draft. There’s nothing quite like making headlines for the right—and wrong—reasons!

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