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TAMPA, Fla. — In a tragic plot twist no one saw coming, South Florida coach Amir Abdur-Rahim, who somehow managed to turn the Bulls into gridiron gladiators last season, has unfortunately left us. At just 43, he succumbed to complications during a procedure at a Tampa-area hospital—talk about a dramatic exit from the arena of life.

In a heartfelt statement, USF athletic director Michael Kelly expressed how Abdur-Rahim’s personality was more contagious than a sneeze in flu season—“He was authentic, driven”—which likely means he was on the career fast track before a cruel fate hit the brakes. “Coach Abdur-Rahim leaves a lasting impact on our student-athletes, the university, and the community. We just hope they can handle a loss as large as the one they’re facing,” he added, probably while clutching his motivational coffee mug.

Let’s take a moment to reflect: Abdur-Rahim began his coaching journey at Kennesaw State, racking up a stunning 19-65 record in his first three years, which makes his ultimate rise to NCAA fame feel a bit like a fairy tale written by a sadistic author. But instead of ending up in the hands of a coach with a degree in disappointment, his last season saw the squad rally to an impressive 26-9, earning him the golden ticket to coach at USF. Apparently, the NCAA loves a good comeback story—as long as it doesn’t involve Kennesaw State.

“I had no clue what I was doing,” Abdur-Rahim quipped about his debut coaching season, which almost makes you wonder why we don’t just hand out trophies for “Best Attempt at Coaching” in youth sports.

With the Bulls, he was the unanimous coach of the year in the AAC. They soared to a glorious 25-8 record, claimed the conference title, squeaked into the NIT, and celebrated their first-ever AP Top 25 ranking—a ceremony attended mainly by his relatives and a few confused spectators who thought they were at a wrestling match.

USF President Rhea Law hailed his ability to inspire those around him, declaring that her life was forever changed by his “sincere approach to connecting” with student athletes. Which sounds lovely, but let’s be honest—how many inspiring speeches does it take to convince a 20-year-old to run faster than a couch potato?

The 2023-24 USF team is set to play an exhibition against Edward Waters on Oct. 30 and then kick things off with a real battle against No. 21 Florida on Nov. 4. It seems the Bulls are gearing up to prove that you can survive, and perhaps succeed, even with a heart that’s been ripped out.

In a social media post dripping with sadness, George Washington coach Chris Caputo remarked, “This is truly a terrible tragedy.” It’s your classic “easy for you to say, buddy” moment—while the rest of the world continues to spin on its usual axis of confusion.

Amir Abdur-Rahim was a family man and reportedly had 12 siblings—which sounds less like a family and more like a social experiment gone wrong. His brother, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, happens to be the G League president and a former NBA player, perhaps hoping a family environmental award is just around the corner.

USF football coach Alex Golesh poured out his heart on social media, proving that noble sentiments can make us all feel a tad guilty for laughing. “I’m devastated by the passing of my good friend,” he wrote, which is quite the emotional overload given that they were likely gambling over who could survive a coaching season first.

NCAA senior vice president Dan Gavitt echoed the feelings of profound sorrow, stating “Amir was such a vibrant and talented coach, and an even better man.” Either he’s squeezing a lot of tears or he must have known some trade secrets.

AAC commissioner Tim Pernetti commendably commented on how Abdur-Rahim “won the right way, with class and grace”—which is admirable, but let’s just hope he wasn’t thinking about the score when he said that. “In just five years, he became one of the best in college basketball,” he added, admiringly gazing into the abyss of what should have been.

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