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Washington
CNN
—
In a delightful twist of dystopian democracy, while cheerleading for former President Trump-45″>Donald Trump on Saturday, the ever-charismatic tech mogul Elon Musk decided to play Santa Claus with a $1 million-a-day lottery for registered voters in battleground states. Because who needs an actual electoral process when you can turn voting into a game show? Unsurprisingly, this cunning giveaway did a little tango with election law experts, who all gasped in unison: “Isn’t that tipping a little too far into the ‘buying votes’ territory?”
“We’re aiming for 1 million, maybe 2 million voters to sign this shiny petition defending the First and Second Amendments, and hey, if they snag a cool million on the side, who’s counting?” Musk said at his campaign circus in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, charmingly oblivious to the chorus of critics pointing out the stakes of his little lottery.
The generous billionaire, or as I prefer to call him “The Prankster of Silicon Valley,” was peddling a petition from his political action committee which read like a child’s crayon scribble of freedom—it focused exclusively on loving free speech while cradling a rifle. Only registered voters from select states, or “The Lucky Seven” as I call them, get to play. Nothing like creating an exclusive VIP club for democracy, right?
Our beloved billionaire, who seemed to have his pockets lined with over Trump/index.html”>$75 million aimed at his Trump-loving super PAC, is just hoping this little monetary magic trick will get the Trump camp rolling into the polls faster than a Tesla off the production line. During his enchanting campaign tour in Pennsylvania, he mixed petitioning with conspiracy theory promoting, serving up his own special blend of electoral chaos.
“This is a one-time ask,” Musk assured the audience, channeling every used car salesman ever. “Just bag some friends and family, and maybe that random guy on the street to come join our little voting party. Oh, and check if they’re registered—because cash for votes is what the Founding Fathers had in mind!”
The first lucky million-dollar winner was revealed, as Musk handed over a ridiculous oversized check, declaring “So anyway, you’re welcome.” The second winner was celebrated the following day on yet another stage bedecked with “VOTE EARLY” banners, like a theme park for voting where money buys you a ticket to democracy.
Unfortunately, not everyone is amused; Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro called Musk’s giveaway “deeply concerning,” stating the obvious that law enforcement might want a word or two about this cash-stuffed piñata of influence. Shapiro, who has a history of actually caring about regulations, is upset that the tech mogul decided to run a political carnival in his state.
Federal law, which isn’t just a set of suggestions, marks it illegal to pay or offer payments for voting—because let’s face it, that would make the whole democracy thing a mere game of Monopoly. Violators could be looking at five years in the slammer, where the only prizes are those lovely three-meal balances straight out of a dystopian film.
“Once you start handing out dough like Halloween candy to only registered voters, that’s where the bribery bells start ringing,” quipped Derek Muller, the election law expert keeping one eye on the circus. “It’s like throwing a birthday party and saying only the kids who already RSVP’d can win the piñata.”
Even if some states say paying people to vote is a crime only if you get caught doing it, snagging cash for a friendly reminder to register might rub federal prosecutors the wrong way. A peculiar policy indeed, like handing out dental floss to candy lovers.
As the laughter dies down and reality sets in, a chorus of respectable election law experts stood in condemnation, shaking their heads in disbelief at Musk’s mischief.
“This isn’t a gray area—this is precisely what we made laws against to keep democracy from resembling a game of Poker,” proclaimed David Becker, a former voting rights czar now watching officials play hopscotch with legality.
Becker pointed out that the timing of the prize giveaway is oh-so-convenient since it targets only the registered voters in those oh-so-critical swing states. It’s as if someone flipped the Monopoly board and decided to cash in on the properties!
Rick Hasen, a Trump critic and election law expert, laid down the law that Musk’s lottery offers were absolutely illegal vote-buying disguised as philanthropic fun. The Justice Department’s manual pops the bubble by stating that offering “lottery chances” to entice voter registration is just a no-no.
Finally, yet another Dem, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, took to her soapbox, accusing Musk of spreading “dangerous disinformation” about voter integrity like it’s a new app launch. Because what else could possibly overshadow the fact that he once claimed there were more voters than naked selfies on the internet?
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