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In the wild west of Arizona politics, where democracy is just a friendly suggestion and election integrity is the punchline to a bad joke, we have our star performer: Cochise County Supervisor Peggy Judd. This week, Judd took a bow, pleading guilty to a misdemeanor for her riveting act of not doing her job. The audience? Just a few Arizona voters who thought their ballots might actually matter.
As election day sashays around the corner on November 5, you can almost hear the ghostly whispers of election conspiracists echoing through the halls of power, urging county officials to toss their integrity out the window like last season’s fashion. Judd’s little admission of guilt was so loud, it’s been dubbed a “wake-up call” for other county officials caught snoozing on the job amid the chaos of ballots and bitter conspiracies—like Halloween, but with more legal consequences.
“Ah, yes! Democracy! The rule of law! The sweet scent of voters’ hopes wafting through the air,” that’s how Thomas Volgy, former Tucson mayor and professor on democratic processes, clutched his pearls, declaring Judd’s plea a glorious win for the sanctity of elections. Who knew that silence could be louder than a midterm election meltdown? It’s almost like those pesky voters thought they could just rudely decide their leaders without interference. How impolite!
Meanwhile, Peter Bondi from Informing Democracy chimed in with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for birthday parties, claiming Judd’s guilty plea serves as an “excellent reminder” that election officials should really pay attention to their actual jobs. Because, you know, it’s not like they got into politics for the thrill of dodging felony charges or anything. Vote subversion? That’s so last election cycle.
Judd, basking in the glory of her probation sentence, is set to enjoy life on unsupervised probation—just enough freedom to contemplate her life choices while paying a fine smaller than a pizza night for the family. “Team Judd is over the Moon to leave this behind,” said her lawyer, like a sports commentator after a nail-biting game. Because what’s more thrilling than a misdemeanor?
In a bizarre twist, her partner in this crime caper, Republican Tom Crosby, is still auditioning for his own trial coming in January, while running for reelection like it’s the last season of a reality show. They had been putting on quite the circus last year, delaying the canvass while transforming public hearings into relentless nightmare marathons about the so-called integrity of vote tabulation machines. Because if there’s one thing voters need, it’s a hand count that screams, “We don’t trust the machines!”—even as Republicans subsequently vanished into the political ether in 2022.
Let’s not forget Attorney General Kris Mayes, valiantly proclaiming, “Any attempt to interfere with elections will not be tolerated!” as if she’s leading a charge against a horde of rogue mules intent on carrying ballots to the wrong voting booth. With declarations like that, one might think she’s running a kindergarten more than a justice department.
As the elections loom and Arizonans prepare their ballots, they’ll remember Judy’s heroics—she may have failed spectacularly to fulfill her duties, but at least she provided us with some darkly comedic fodder while bringing the curtain down on this act of political absurdity. Because in Arizona, folks, democracy is but a fine line between the ridiculous and the terrifying.
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