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In a twist that can only be described as the sports version of “Guess Who?” Miami Dolphins head coach Mike McDaniel has taken to predicting the future concerning our favorite quarterback, Tua Tagovailoa. Spoiler alert: his crystal ball says Tua might grace us with his presence again this season—provided he doesn’t accidentally challenge a buffalo to a duel during pregame warmups. “I do expect to see him playing football in 2024,” McDaniel said, probably glancing nervously at the latest NFL concussion protocol pamphlet. “But where that is, exact—well, it’s like asking a toddler to draw a realistic dolphin — we’re just letting the process unfold.”

Since Tua’s impromptu rendezvous with the concussion fairy against the Buffalo Bills on September 12, he’s been lounging on injured reserve, sipping piña coladas and contemplating the meaning of life while missing at least four games. The soonest he could condescend to bless us with his quarterbacking skills would be October 27, when the Dolphins are set to face off against the Arizona Cardinals. Will they be prepping for battle or hosting a karaoke night? Tune in to find out!

Before Tua can don the helmet again, he must first clear the NFL’s daunting concussion protocol. This is like a game of “Hot Potato,” only the potato is filled with dread and vague medical terms. This procedure only starts once he’s magically activated from IR, which seems to be as clear as mud.

Let’s not forget, this isn’t Tua’s first tango with concussions. This latest bump on the noggin is officially at least the third in his professional career. Mirror, mirror on the wall, does he have a concussion count comparable to his passing yards? Two mishaps last season kept him benched longer than the totally-not-awkward conversations with his teammates about the latest concussion controversy, which ultimately resulted in the NFL overwriting their entire playbook of “Let’s Pretend We Don’t Know What’s Happening.”

Meanwhile, the Dolphins, currently sitting at a riveting 1-2 without Tua, have been as offensively effective as a wet paper bag. Last season, they were the steamy leaders in yards-per-game. This season? They’ve awkwardly swerved into eighth-worst territory, making it an average of just 185.6 yards per game. Who knew a change in quarterback could lead to such a dramatic loss of yardage?

As the 2-3 Dolphins gear up to play against the Indianapolis Colts in a matchup promising equal parts chaos and hilarity, one question prevails: Can Tua save the day or will he just end up furthering the team’s adventures in reality TV drama? Stay tuned!

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