Cher and Friends Celebrate Rock Legends While Ozzy Osbourne’s Throne Sinks in a Pool of Nostalgia and Irony

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CLEVELAND (AP) — In a grand spectacle of nostalgia and questionable life choices, Hollywood royalty Julia Roberts and Zendaya took their turns at the mic during the 39th Annual Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. They graced the stage, bookending an eclectic roster of musical legends, some of whom have been borderline irrelevant for decades, like Cher and Ozzy Osbourne—because who doesn’t love watching people cling to their glory days?

Cher, strutting at an age when most are just trying to figure out how to use Instagram, opened the show with an empowering rendition of "Believe." Meanwhile, Zendaya, in her youthful exuberance, waxed poetic about Cher being the perennial number one—because nothing screams relevance like a career spanning decades of pop culture while aging like a fine wine left out in the sun.

The five-hour-plus gala featured every type of music you could possibly want or dread—pop, heavy metal, hip-hop, and soft rock—because why not throw a massive potluck where musical genres awkwardly mingle like your uncle at a family reunion? Among those honored were heavy hitters like Mary J. Blige and the aging relics of Foreigner, not to mention 83-year-old Dionne Warwick—truly a testament to the survival of the fittest… or at least the most stubborn.

As Dua Lipa crooned Cher’s "Believe," she was joined onstage by the icon herself—who, depending on the arrangements, could be auditioning for the role of an ancient Oracle in a movie about pagan rituals. Cher took a moment to invoke feminine resilience, proving once more that it’s never too late to pick yourself up after a life of Hollywood heartaches… and that’s just the first sip of her ‘never-quit’ cocktail.

So there stood Roberts, a self-proclaimed Dave Matthews Band superfan, who managed to get through an entire induction speech without mentioning how many avocado toasts it took her to get there. The highlight was undoubtedly when Matthews echoed how impressive this class of inductees was—indeed, swimming in those "very deep waters." Is this the new existential crisis bandwagon?

Dr. Dre waxed lyrical about the significance of Mary J. Blige in carving out hip-hop soul as a genre before she expertly proved that even "heartbreak" can be dressed in sequins and rainy drizzle. “Move with grace,” she advised—clearly an essential lesson for anyone looking to sidestep their regrets while still managing to rock the stage.

And let’s not forget about Kool & the Gang, who’ve been eligible for this hall of fame since 1994—talk about the long game. Chuck D chimed in, making audiences reflect not just on their hidden gems but the fact that forgetting about them felt like a massive faux pas, like forgetting your mom’s birthday while secretly being okay with it.

The night culminated in a jamboree fit for a midlife crisis, where Dave Matthews Band reminded everyone how to maintain that sense of vulnerability… through the art of song, or at least through some impressive jam sessions that kept attendees swaying as if they were at their second cousin’s wedding.

In an exhilarating finale, Black called Osbourne the "Jack Nicholson of rock," while the real kicker? The reminder that the majority of these icons sit nestled in history—not only having conquered the charts but having outlasted two generations of musical trends.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get more surreal, the In Memoriam section paid tribute to those who have bid adieu from this world, sending a final message that in music, as in life, some can fall from grace while others simply flit on by. Cheers to that!