Court Says “No Bagging” in $8.5 Billion Handbag Merger Blowout
[ad_1] In a dramatic twist that has all the excitement of watching paint dry, a US judge waved a big “NOPE” flag on the $8.5 billion merger between handbag giants…
Continue readingGov. Sununu: Trump’s Rhetoric is Like a Bad Roast—We’re All Uncomfortable, but Who’s Bringing the Chips?
[ad_1] New Hampshire’s Gov. Chris Sununu, whose political compass spins true north towards Donald Trump, decided to take a moment out of his busy schedule of metaphorically swatting flies to…
Continue readingWorld Leaders Debate Trade Wars as Economies Line Up for the Next Round of ‘Who Can Hurt Themselves More’
[ad_1] Christian Lindner, Germany’s finance minister, was spotted having a serious chat with US Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen—who, oddly enough, was not pictured—at the annual economic circus called the IMF…
Continue readingDemocrats Spend Millions to Avoid the Senate’s ‘Loser’ Club—Membership Guaranteed!
[ad_1] As the Democrats stare into the abyss of losing the Senate faster than a kid loses his Halloween candy, they’re flinging cash around like it’s confetti on a raucous…
Continue readingSurgeon Proves That ‘Eyebrow Tweezing’ Can Now Include Tumour Removal—Forget Apples, We’re Talking Melons!
[ad_1] In a groundbreaking surgical twist that has definitely not been pulled straight from a sci-fi novel, a surgeon in Aberdeen has taken neurosurgery to eyebrow-raising heights—literally. Forget the traditional…
Continue readingElon Musk Learns The Hard Way That Brazilian Laws Aren’t Just Suggestions
[ad_1] In a shocking twist of events that can only be described as “typical 2023,” the social media platform formerly known as Twitter has made a triumphant return to Brazil,…
Continue readingHeroic Soldiers Trade Grenades with Hezbollah: The Ultimate Game of Hot Potato
[ad_1] In the latest installment of “How to Turn a Peaceful Existence into an Agony of Irony,” we find ourselves mourning yet another fallen hero, Sgt.-Maj. (res.) Shlomo Aviad Nayman….
Continue readingBiden Apologizes for Boarding Schools: Turns Out ‘Going West’ Wasn’t About Weekend Getaways
[ad_1] In a dazzling display of political gymnastics, President Joe Biden has announced he will pirouette his way to a “deeply heartfelt” apology on Friday for that zany little endeavor…
Continue readingSpirit AeroSystems Prepares for Furloughs as Boeing Machinists Continue Their Strike: When Planes Ground, Workers Float!
[ad_1] Behold the majestic Boeing 737 fuselages, taking a leisurely train ride through Wichita, Kansas, as they frolic on railcars, blissfully unaware of the corporate drama unfolding around them. Nick…
Continue readingThanksgiving Meal Deals: The Only Thing Getting Stuffed This Year Is Your Wallet!
[ad_1] Gobble, gobble, folks! In an astonishing twist of capitalist culinary warfare, Sam’s Club has audaciously thrown its hat into the Thanksgiving meal deal arena, unveiling a feast that promises…
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