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In an epic twist of irony worthy of a culinary horror movie, BrucePac, the gourmet purveyor of delicious ready-to-eat meat and poultry products, has decided to sprinkle a dash of danger into its offerings by recalling over 9.9 million pounds of its fine fare due to a little something called listeria contamination. Apparently, this is what happens when you try to make your meat not just tasty, but also adventurous—USDA officials found out about the culinary caper on Wednesday.
Now, if you’ve fondly placed BrucePac products in your refrigerator, freezer, or perhaps in the hands of unsuspecting restaurant-goers nationwide, you might just have a surprise waiting for you—a side of unintended consequences! Those leftover sandwiches from last week’s lunch may not just be old; they could harbor new friends that would make your immune system wish it had taken a vacation instead.
The USDA, during one of those quaint routine testing escapades, stumbled upon this unfortunate issue, revealing that BrucePac’s ready-to-eat chicken had an uninvited listeria party crashing its debut. This little bacterial bash could stretch across several products made between June 19 and October 8, proving that sometimes, the flavor isn’t the only thing that lingers.
Speaking of listeria, let’s give it a round of applause for being the third leading cause of death from foodborne illness in the U.S. Its symptoms are like a wild party invite of fever, muscle aches, and fatigue, with the very exclusive options of a stiff neck, a headache, confusion, or if you’re lucky, seizures. And if you’re among the older adults, pregnant women, or anyone whose immune system plays peekaboo with reality, you might just be the VIP of this bacterial ball.
So far, the USDA kindly reassured the public that there have been “no confirmed reports of adverse reactions” from this carnivorous catastrophe, which is truly comforting—unless, of course, you happen to be someone who gets sick without ever seeing the inside of a lab. After all, it can take up to ten weeks for the listeria symptoms to debut, making it the longest-running, worst-promoted show on Earth.
“Restaurants and other establishments,” the wise USDA implores, “please do not serve or use these products.” Instead, consider a more eco-friendly approach and throw them away, preferably while wearing gloves and a mask—just to keep up with the theme of caution that 2023 has heavily pushed on us. For those already feeling a bit green around the gills, a quick call to your healthcare provider might be on the menu.
This latest escapade in the world of meat recalls is following a particularly lively listeria outbreak linked to Boar’s Head deli meats, which tragically has led to 59 hospitalizations and 10 deaths because, apparently, food can be more hazardous than our stormy weather. Originally, we thought dining out was bad for your wallet; turns out, it might not be great for your health either!
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