Breanna Stewart’s Free Throws: From Heartbreak to Brooklyn’s Sweet Redemption, Because Who Needs a Full Night’s Sleep?

In an earth-shattering event that left sports fans shaking their heads and double-checking their calendars, New York Liberty superstar Breanna Stewart shrugged off the pressure like it was just another Tuesday morning in rush hour traffic, leading her team to a ground-breaking Target=”_blank”>first-ever WNBA title with a nail-biting 67-62 overtime victory over the Minnesota Lynx on Sunday—a day the Liberty would never have to share with any other team claiming firsts (sorry, Brooklyn Nets).

Stewart, who managed to score an astonishing 13 points while embodying the calmness of a Yogi on a meditation retreat, ice-watered her veins to drain two all-important free throws during the extra session, sealing the deal and finally redeeming herself after committing a cardinal sin: missing a potential game-winner back in Game 1, which the Lynx successfully snatched in OT. Talk about having a memory like an elephant—but, you know, a really athletic one.

“I was just focused on not channeling my Emmy-worthy performance from Game 1,” Stewart said, probably while picturing her teammates dressed in cheering outfits from a cringeworthy 80s movie. “You know that feeling when you realize your main responsibility is to not drop the ball? Yeah, I had that.” She shared her enlightening philosophy on “TODAY with Hoda & Jenna,” completely avoiding a mention of any hidden voodoo dolls targeting her free-throw exploits.

Stewart, the two-time WNBA MVP with enough accolades to mount a small shelf, confessed she tried to keep things delightfully simple under pressure—like a toddler in a candy store. “I focused on making the first shot. Just get that first one in, and then pretend you’re part of a series of unfortunate free throws,” she mused.

Having joined the Liberty before the 2023 season in what experts are calling “the most powerful acquisition since the last time Julius Erving wore a headband,” Stewart described triumphing at home in Brooklyn’s Barclays Center as fulfilling a fantasy more riveting than a Netflix documentary about fast-food chains. “Can you believe it? We finally did it! To celebrate at home where I can conveniently avoid public transport? No complaints here!”

After suffering from the bitter taste of finals defeat to the Las Vegas Aces last season, the Liberty has finally crossed the finish line, securing New York’s first professional basketball title since Dr. J was throwing down slam dunks and wearing stylish knee socks back in 1976. Talk about a long wait—New York fans have been through more heartbreak than a rom-com starring Jennifer Aniston.

As Brooklyn celebrates this dizzying achievement that seemed as unattainable as finding a decaf coffee at an all-night diner, Ionescu couldn’t help but reflect on the impact this victory had on everyone involved, not just her team. “This isn’t just our title; it’s like everyone in New York was cheering. I’m pretty sure even the pigeons were giving us high-fives!” she humorously claimed, no doubt while picturing a city filled with elated fans trying to do the Macarena in the streets.