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In the latest episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Washington,” President Joe Biden, armed with nothing but a coffee and a questionable sense of timing, is gearing up to reschedule a group therapy session with German Chancellor Olaf Scholz, French President Emmanuel Macron, and UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer. They’re all meeting in Berlin to discuss their favorite pastime: throwing money at Ukraine while wondering if it will stick like spaghetti on a wall. Spoiler alert: it might not.
Originally, these world leaders tried to gather for a high-stakes powwow at Ramstein Air Base, but the meeting got postponed faster than you can say “Hurricane Milton,” which apparently has a better attendance record than Biden. One can only imagine the collective sigh of relief from the team, now free from awkward small talk about the weather or the latest TikTok trends.
Biden, ever the optimist, has promised to reschedule. Because when you’re figuring out how to deal with a war getting its fourth season renewal, what’s a little scheduling conflict, right? Meanwhile, Zelensky, who looks like he’s perpetually on a “World’s Most Frequent Flyer” list, went ahead on a solo mission to charm the socks off Scholz, who graciously handed over an extra $1.5 billion like it was change they found in the couch cushions.
The quartet of arms suppliers has been collectively peddling $90 billion worth of military goodies to Ukraine since early 2022. It’s like they’re hosting a never-ending yard sale, but instead of old lawn gnomes, they’re hawking rocket launchers. Talk about an unholy shopping spree!
As if this political circus couldn’t get any odder, Zelensky also decided to squeeze in meetings with Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump—because nothing says “let’s unite against a common enemy” like a dose of bipartisan confusion and existential dread.
And, just in case you were wondering, this bonkers saga is still breaking news, proving once again that the world of politics is the only circus where the clowns have access to nuclear weapons. Stay tuned for the next episode of “Keeping Up with the Politicians,” where someone inevitably drops the ball… or the bomb.
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