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LAS VEGAS (AP) — In a shocking twist of events that ripples through the minds of sports fans everywhere, BetMGM Sportsbook has decided to take a moral stand—yes, you heard that right—in light of the infamous lifetime Ban of Toronto Raptors’ forward Jontay Porter. To preserve the integrity of competitive sports (and probably their bottom line), they’ve put the kibosh on betting options involving players on two-way or 10-day contracts. Because nothing screams “I care about fair play!” like banning wagers on contractual vagabonds skimming the surface of the NBA.
Porter, known for his brief and less-than-stellar existence in the big leagues, generously took it upon himself to reveal confidential secrets to sports bettors. Who knew that sharing locker-room gossip could lead to a lifetime of couch-sitting? In a shocking revelation, he reportedly wagered on the Raptors to tank, as if the general public needed more proof that professional sports sometimes resemble a toddler’s game of “who can ruin the fun first.”
With a two-way contract, Porter was essentially a free agent in a limbo of uncertainty, earning a measly $410,000 while some of his teammates were raking in the big bucks—over $2 million just for having broader skill sets and a more dignified connection to reality. Irony drips like sweat from a sidelined player as this one-time hopeful dangles in the wind like a piñata at a children’s party, while the sportsbooks sprinkle fairy dust over their bets, claiming they just want to safeguard the sanctity of the game. So noble!
The lesson here is clear: when facing societal absurdities, one can always count on the gambling industry to double down. Because when it comes to sports, who can resist the sweet, sweet taste of hypocrisy served up with a side of irony?
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