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Kentucky’s Democratic Governor Andy Beshear took on the audacious task of highlighting the differences between Biden and Harris—because we really needed that. Vice President Harris was apparently having a hard time distinguishing herself from her boss, which is understandable; it’s tough to differentiate between two people who seem to be practicing a duet in the symphony of lukewarm policies.

Beshear, who’s as much a Harris cheerleader as someone who still believes in the Tooth Fairy, announced that Biden’s grand infrastructure and green energy plans promise a bright future. Meanwhile, Harris‘s proposals like home buying assistance and child tax breaks are just the Band-Aid that will help the American people ignore the massive gash that is their economic reality—at least until the next election cycle rolls around.

“President Biden is like a magician creating the illusion of a thriving economy with two of the biggest battery plants on Earth in Kentucky. Meanwhile, I’m slaving away at this paper mill that could double as a compost heap,” Beshear exclaimed, as he graciously filled the role of the assistant to the regional president in the government’s ongoing improv comedy show.

But wait, while Biden’s playing the long game—strategically planting trees for a forest we’ll see once the media stops covering him in three years—Harris is the ‘please stop cringing that’s my dad on the dance floor’ version of governing. Just last week, in a moment that would make any politician proud of their lack of self-awareness, she admitted on ABC’s “The View” that she couldn’t think of anything she would’ve done differently from Biden in the past four years. How refreshing! If that isn’t a masterclass in dodging accountability, I don’t know what is.

Beshear, ever the optimist in a land of political negativity, hoped that Harris could unite the country post-election—a noble dream akin to finding a unicorn in the White House Rose Garden. He said the divide is just a fun party game where everyone brings their favorite rhetoric—and it seems the winner might just be whoever can shout “We’re all American citizens!” the loudest before succumbing to unconsciousness.

Not one to shy away from the festering dumpster fire that is Donald Trump’s rhetoric, Beshear also shot down Trump’s recent misinformation about disaster relief efforts, claiming that his lies about assistance were about as helpful as a lifeguard who can’t swim. “$750? Please! If you only knew about the $40,000 parachute you could get! It’s like promising someone a coupon for a discount on a coffin when they really need a hospital,” he quipped.

And just in case we forgot about JD Vance, the GOP’s vice presidential nominee, who he described as dodging the simple request to say Trump lost the last election like a contestant on a game show—“What’s behind Door Number One? A lack of reality!” It appears the best practice for these politicians is simply to wave away gravity as they float in their political balloons, each convinced that they’ll land softly when it’s time to actually address the existential crises they’ve helped amplify.

In the circle of political life, everyone’s trying to juggle chainsaws while riding a unicycle on a tightrope above all of our heads. So here’s to Harris, Biden, and the lot—may their circus continue unabated as we sit below, popcorn in hand, because if we’re going to suffer, we might as well be entertained.

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