Amazon Pumps Up Prime with a 10-Cent Per Gallon Gasoline Discount: Because Who Knew Savings Could Fuel Joy?

Attention, Prime members! Amazon has just added yet another absurdity to your subscription buffet: “fuel discounts”! Because why not save 10 cents a gallon when you can simultaneously order a pet rock and watch someone unbox it on Prime Video?

Yes, you heard it right! Fuel discounts are now part of the Prime experience. For those fortunate enough to drive to the nearest BP, Amoco, or AM/PM station (and let’s face it, who doesn’t crave that gas station hot dog experience), you can save a whopping 10 cents per gallon—a true one-way ticket to financial nirvana. That’s nearly $70 a year! You’ll be rolling in the savings… or at least rolling in your RAV4.

To unlock this breathtaking deal, just link your Amazon account to Earnify, some loyalty program that sounds like a cross between a motivational speaker and a bad Tinder date. Can’t wait for the day someone offers you an air freshener discount for your car through an app!

Thanks to data from GasBuddy (yes, that’s a real thing — because apparently, knowing the gas prices is the pinnacle of human achievement), prices are at their lowest since January. But wait! Just when you think you might be able to afford that extra guacamole, global oil prices are spiking faster than your Wi-Fi signal during a family Zoom call. So, Amazon‘s discount could be like a life raft in a sea of rising prices—if that life raft was inflatable and had a huge hole in it.

As if the Prime perks weren’t already bursting at the seams, this addition rivals the bizarre spectrum of benefits ranging from music streaming to medical care (because nothing says “health insurance” like a two-day shipping delay). It’s clear that Prime is morphing into that friend who can’t stop bragging about their varied life experiences, creating a perfect buffet of services for the indecisive consumer.

It’s strange to think about Amazon dabbling in fuel when we usually associate them with shipping us luxuries like foot massagers and neon-colored kitchen gadgets, but here we are. Analysts are even remarking that this move wasn’t unexpected, proving that trends in corporate strategy are stranger than fiction—and more convoluted than a three-hour epic about a dragon.

As Neil Saunders, a retail analyst with a title that sounds very important, noted: Amazon believes that a cornucopia of benefits makes it harder for customers to leave. Kind of like a relationship where you can never quite remember why you started dating in the first place, but now you’re sharing a Netflix account and arguing about what to order for dinner.

Apparently, this fuel frenzy is also a sneaky ploy to overshadow its main rival, Walmart+, which has also moved into the gas-saving arena, perhaps relying on the age-old truism that if you can’t beat them, distract them with more discounts. After all, who wouldn’t rush to fill up their tank at Sprawl Mart if they can save a few cents per gallon?

With every retailer lacing its offerings with more bells and whistles, Amazon is practically competing in the Olympics of absurd customer perks. However, let’s be real here: the shot put may be the only thing about the whole escapade that hasn’t yet been offered as a Prime benefit.

Yet, as Amazon attempts to solidify its spot as the “everything company,” it may find itself caught in its own paradox of choice. Ever tried figuring out which cereal to buy in a supermarket aisle of 200+ options? Same concept but for your savings account!

First off, let’s talk about the confusion factor. The larger the program, the more likely it is that users won’t even remember if they have an Amazon account—or if they’re still subscribed to that artisanal knitting club they joined last Friday.

And let’s not forget about price. Amazon’s prime membership comes in hot at $139 a year, which is a staggering 40% more than payment plans at competitors like Walmart and Target. What’s next? A loyalty program for loyalty programs? Customers might just prefer a simpler life of “free shipping” or “cheap gas,” sparing them from the chaos of decision fatigue.

As per wise retail sages like Saunders, Amazon will need to do some serious sleuthing to understand how people use Prime. Because if folks only want to save on gas or watch terrible movies, then throwing in more perks could just leave them feeling like they’ve lost their way in some retail maze with no exit sign.