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In a thrilling encounter that may have actually been a metaphor for life itself, Tony Romo decided to bless us with the groundbreaking insight that the Washington Commanders and Baltimore Ravens had two MVPs on display. One, of course, was Lamar Jackson — a two-time Most Valuable Player who’s likely already updated his LinkedIn profile to reflect his superhero status. The other? Jayden Daniels, the Commanders’ dashing rookie quarterback whom Tony labeled a “future MVP.” Because nothing says “future greatness” like getting throttled in real-time by a team that understands football better than your average fan understands quantum physics.

Daniels had a relatively decent day, flinging the ball for 269 yards, two touchdowns, and miraculously avoiding any fumbles — which is more than we can say for the Commanders’ chance of winning this game. Meanwhile, the Ravens, with Jackson and buddy Derrick Henry acting as the dynamic duo of destruction, strutted off with a win that wasn’t just in the 30-23 range but also a showcase of one team knowing their playbook and the other team mixing up their shopping list with their game plan.

Jackson showcased an arm that could likely launch small satellites, completing 323 yards with a touchdown while daring to throw an interception just because — apparently, a touch of drama is necessary. Almost half of his passes went directly into the hands of Zay Flowers, who caught nine passes for a whopping 132 yards, as if throwing the ball to anyone else was selling out to the enemy. Derrick Henry was on a running rampage with 132 yards and two touchdowns, proving he’s not just a running back but more of a freight train on a mission.

Alas, the Commanders found themselves on the wrong side of the scoreboard for the first time since Week 1 — a sign that perhaps they should stop believing their own hype. The unraveling began in a truly dramatic fashion: a missed field goal right before halftime. Because what’s a good game without the Commanders turning a tiny crack into a full-on structural collapse? After holding the Ravens to just three points in the first quarter — which would’ve made them feel like they were competing against a team of toddlers — they suddenly decided it was time to play defense like they were still in their junior varsity days, allowing an alarming 14 points in the second quarter alone.

With a lead that ballooned to 27-13 by the end of the third, it seemed like the Commanders were chasing a rapidly departing bus. Daniels did his best to conjure some fourth-quarter magic, leading a couple of scoring drives, but even Merlin himself would’ve needed a better spell to bridge that gap. In the grand tapestry of football, this was merely another day at the office for Washington, underscoring that sometimes the difference between a victory and a weekend upsets comes down to a well-timed field goal or two… or three… or maybe just very good luck.

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