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As Election Day draws near, the two major party candidates are sweating bullets to sway voters, with a particular eye on the elusive male demographic—because, you know, men apparently have to come first in everything, even democracy.
Enter Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, Vice President Kamala Harris‘ sidekick, embarking on a heroic quest to woo men in swing states. His itinerary includes a joyful jaunt to Michigan, where he mingled with Black male voters while discussing the absolutely riveting topics of hunting and high school football. Clearly, nothing screams “please vote for me!” like a pep talk to a high school football team. We can only assume he also offered them a discount on testosterone supplements as an incentive.
Meanwhile, former President Barack Obama, in an electrifying comeback as a campaign spokesperson, took time out from his busy schedule of being everyone’s favorite ex-president to scold Black men for their ‘excuses’ about not voting for Harris. After all, who doesn’t love a bit of shame thrown their way right before making a life-altering decision about their country’s future? Voting for Trump? Not on his watch! Apparently, it’s either Harris or nothing—a real binary choice that puts those pesky Zoomer dilemmas to shame.
Speaking of Trump, he’s been making waves by gracing podcasts that cater to younger male listeners—because nothing says “man of the people” like a millionaire ranting into a microphone about whatever conspiracy he’s cooked up that week. Polls show that while he’s racking up male supporters, Harris is busy trying to rally the women, like a modern-day Joan of Arc in a pantsuit.
The gender gap in polling is like a canyon—51% of men are Team Trump while only 43% have joined the Harris fan club, and among women? Harris gets a flashy 52% to Trump’s sad little 43%. This is the proverbial boys vs. girls fight, and if Sarah Longwell, a political strategist, has her way, it might just turn into a juvenile wrestling match.
But let’s not forget that Black men seem to have joined the mix, with 72% backing Harris—who would have guessed they’d rather put their faith in her than in a man who thinks a red hat counts as a foreign policy statement? Of course, the divide is slightly less dramatic among Black voters, who seem to be at least somewhat confused. Those crazy kids—they just want to know who’d make a good president, depending on which poll you read, and surprise, surprise, it’s not Trump.
As election tactics go, one has to appreciate the sheer absurdity: it’s like a high school prom where nobody knows how to ask anyone out, and instead, they just blame each other for not dancing. But hey, as long as we keep it entertaining until someone decisively loses and leaves clutching their participation trophy, right?
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