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Special counsel Jack Smith has dropped nearly 2,000 pages of heavily redacted documents in his ongoing soap opera, “As the Trump Turns,” catching former President Donald Trump in a plot twist more thrilling than a holiday turkey in a deep fryer. These documents, mostly blacked-out redactions that seem to scream “HOLD THE PHONE, THIS IS CLASSIFIED, DON’T LOOK!” give us mere mortals a peek into the circus of justice following Trump’s infamous election caper, where he allegedly tried to channel his inner magician and make votes disappear.
If you’re one for suspense, the drama thickens—most pages are redacted, resembling a teenager’s doodle book when they’ve run out of ink, with fragments of grand jury transcripts that explain why “find those votes” became the latest catchphrase in a nation already well-versed in cringe-worthy reality TV. Among the highlights are a transcript containing Trump’s phone call with Georgia’s Secretary of State, wherein he “politely” requested the good old Georgia peach to magically unearth votes like a child searching for buried treasure, alongside snapshots of the 2020 “We Don’t Accept Defeat” party’s fake elector certificates.
It seems even in the midst of a Capitol riot, someone thought, “Hey, let’s get this guy a Diet Coke!” As the chaos unfolded, Trump‘s response to the rioting was as casual as if someone had just told him that his favorite TV show had been canceled. Apparently, when told of the events at the Capitol, he replied, “Really?”—because, boy, was he just waiting for the news in his plush Oval Office armchair.
The judge, Tanya Chutkan, played the role of the not-so-humble referee, rejecting Trump’s latest tantrum claim that releasing documents during an election year was akin to stuffing the electoral ballot box with snakes. Chutkan delivered a ruling sharper than a cleaver, bravely stating that withholding information based on its potential political fallout could indeed be election interference—as if the Capitol had turned into a high-stakes poker game where everyone’s bluffing about the hand they were dealt.
The four delightfully erratic volumes eventually released contained drama worthy of a Shakespearean tragedy, featuring reams of social media posts, photos of elaborate forgeries—because who doesn’t want to dabble in a little political cosplay?—and memos that made the plan to have Mike Pence reject electors sound suspiciously like a poorly crafted fan fiction plot. And just when we thought the circus acts were over, Trump has officially been charged with conspiracy to defraud the United States and obstruction, throwing a grand party for himself entitled “Not Guilty.”
In this riveting saga, the Supreme Court has deemed Trump to enjoy “partial presidential immunity,” which sounds reasonably close to playing hopscotch in a minefield—so stay tuned as Chutkan takes her picks at how to apply this ruling to our soon-to-be-lost-in-translation drama. Meanwhile, grab your popcorn and settle in, for the only thing more absurd than these political games is watching America try to pretend it’s all perfectly normal!
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